GOD PROVIDES IN AMAZING WAYS

This is our new ride.

and this is the kids enjoying a drive around the cul de sac in it. :)

We knew that as we added to our family, we would outgrow John's truck.

our camping trip a few weeks ago confirmed that. The 3 car seats barely fit in the crew cab and we had to leave our dog with my parents cuz there wasn't any room for her.

With us praying over the adoption of another kiddo or 2, we KNEW we'd need another vehicle to tow a camper or boat or whatever.

We've been looking at Yuk*n XL's and Subur*bans for a few months now on re-sell websites. There just wasn't much in our area for a great deal so John started looking in neighboring states..cuz with my flight benefits, we could fly anywhere for free and just drive the vehicle home.

John decided to put his truck up for sale a few weeks ago...fully expecting it to take awhile to sell.

2 days later we had a guy in Iowa interested in it, he paid for a mechanic to check it out and 2 days later it was sold to him. He flew in last Friday to officially buy it and drive it home.

only God could do that!

So Saturday John and I took the first flight out to a neighboring state to look at this Yuk*n XL. It was a smokin' deal so we had to at least take a look at it. It has a few minor cosmetic blemishes -a small dent, a few very small scratches, etc....but everything else seemed to be in top shape.

we had decided, even before flying out, that we would offer less than they were asking if we wanted to buy it. You gotta do that right?! :)

We had really hit it off with the family selling it -just nice, old fashioned, down to earth people.
After test driving it and looking it over, the man selling it told us "well, I don't know what you thought about pricing..but we'd like to offer it to you for X amount"...that was exactly what we were going to offer THEM.

isn't that so like God?!

between the sale of John's boat and truck, we BARELY had to pay any money for this Yuk*n. seriously.

What a provision from God.

so why do I continually doubt Him?

I look at our finances and have numerous times said "God, how are we going to buy another large vehicle AND adopt? We just don't have that kind of money right now!!"

and look how He provides.

we basically traded in 2 vehicles we've outgrown for 1 we can grow into.

ps-we still have the van :) so now we have 2 vehicles that fit 8. we are blessed.

and just cuz this is cute :)

we watched my sister's little chihuahua this past weekend and Andrew and Mia really hit it off.

Because Andrew was still running a fever, he was really low key and just laid around -so Mia loved laying around with him.

SARA BETH BOWS

as you may have noticed, there is a new button on my blog...for Sara Beth Bows .

Jeanette (yes, we share the same name!) and her family finally received their referral for their precious Sara Beth on June 7th and already have received PA -pre-approval. For those not in the adoption world, the PA is the first step to China's approval of the match between you and your child...and to already have this step checked off is amazingly fast!

They are still trying to raise more $ to offset the costs of bringing their daughter home.

If you've ever thought about ordering bows....NOW is the time to do so! :)

They are having an incredible inventory sale right now -bows in inventory are 1/2 off right now! AND they are going to be having a raffle soon.

Please hop on over to Sara Beth Bows and see if there is anything you need. :)

and let me just tell you -the customer service is amazing....if you have ANY questions at all, Jeanette will be able to help you out..from choosing the right bow style for your little one, to sizing, to colors.

A BUMMER OF A DAY

this is my poor son minutes before I picked him up and moved him to the bottom bunk in his room.

the poor little guy is sick again.

he was running a low fever yesterday, 99-100, so I really had thought a good night's sleep would make him feel tons better.

nope.

he woke up with 101.5.



and then about 30 minutes later threw up.

he seemed better after sipping on gat*rade and eating a few crackers over the next few hours....but then around 11:30 he said he wasn't feeling well again.

fever is up over 102 now.

it's a bummer for a NUMBER of reasons

1) I hate seeing my little boy sick. you know a BOY is sick when all they want to do is lay on the couch. just not like him.

2)today was supposed to be a special "mom's day" for me. My mom was going to take the kids for me today so I could get caught up on things around the house and finally start putting together a scrapbook for Elizabeth. She was even going to take them to a local museum that had "dinosaur bones"!
bummer for all 3 kids AND mommy

3)and to top it off -we woke up to find out our satellite tv is out. apparently our 4 week old receiver box blew out last night.

we have no tv

for at least 2 days.

not that we watch all that much...but when you have a sick kid who can't leave the house and can't get up off the couch -what are you suppposed to do?!

it's been movie day today.
lots of videos.
and thanks to grandma who stopped by with a few from her house that were "new" to my kids.

now just hoping noone else gets this.
I did have the girls wipe the bathrooms down with sanitizing wipes, and then we hit all the door handles and light switches. :)

SOME HELPFUL THINGS

We've just come thru another fairly rough week with Elizabeth AND just had our 2nd attachment assessment/counseling appointment. I feel like I have lots of things floating around in my mind...things I want to share with y'all, but I'm running short on time tonight!

For a couple weeks now I've wanted to share a couple links with y'all.

The first is this blog The Mouro Family .

this blog has been so very helpful for me/us as we sorted thru Elizabeth's behaviors and how to address them...even before we started counseling.

If you go to their blog and look on the "labels" to the left -look for Attachment Issues...or you could just scroll thru her whole blog. :) Laura has learned so much as she has allowed God to direct their parenting of Ruthie/Abbie and navigate the scary world of attachment issues.

She really does a great job of explaining how to not battle these kids when they're trying to get you to battle. It has certainly helped John and I to understand it better.

If you are an adoptive parent, I highly recommend you at least skim thru The Mouro Family blog. Even if your child isn't dealing with attachment issues right now, they may in the future and just having some of this info in the back of your mind would be SO helpful!

The second link I wanted to post for you is this one. Glimmers of Joy and Signs of Hope . This is actually a post from my friend Carrie's blog. Carrie was our first family advocate at the agency we used to bring Elizabeth home. Not long after we were referred Elizabeth, Carrie and her hubby Jacob left the US to serve the Chinese people. They are currently serving in a foster home for special needs orphans. I read this post back when she first wrote it and thought -it's so dead on! And then Carrie reminded me of it a few weeks ago when I first started blogging about our attachment struggles with Elizabeth.

Anyone -adoptive parent or not -should read Carrie's blog. :) But especially the post I'm referencing. I think it's such a great perspective of adoption...and the sadness that is in these children's hearts.

Ok-that's it for tonight. Stay tuned for more attachment stuff later. :) It's been a rough week, but we're learning alot...about ourselves, about Elizabeth and what may be triggering her, how to recognize her insecurities building, how to try to make her feel more secure.

BELATED FATHER'S DAY

the 4 most important people in my life! :)


while making b'fast Sunday before church, this is what John and I saw. :)
the 2 of them hanging out and giggling together...VERY rare these days as Elizabeth has found just about ALL of Andrew's buttons and takes much joy in pushing them...and Andrew has had a very short fuse with her lately....so to see them hanging together was definitely photo-worthy!



after church, as is now customary, the whole gang popped over to our place for a BBQ and swim.
Our house is smack dab in between my parents' and my sisters', so it's just convenient to meet up here...but my sisters' pool will be done soon so I have a feeling we'll have some parties over there in the near future too!

if you can blow this pic up, you have to! Jeremiah's expression is hilarious...he looks like he's thinking "this is the craziest family ever..I can't believe I'm sitting here in this dumb floating thingy!"

my brother-in-law taking Joanna for a swim. :)

after swimming and BBQ, we had grandpa open presents.

I snapped the above photo of Joanna and Andrew cuz it's so unusual to see Andrew without Jacklyn! They are only 9months apart and are like peas in a pod...but for some reason, Andrew and JoJo were buddies this afternoon.

Grandpa opening up his gift from the grandkids..a new flag, some n*tter butters and a bag of
sn!ckers. :)


after the gang left, we took the kids back out swimming.

when my dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house, he found his old boogie board and brought it home.....this is what the kids are on!

my little surfers!

these 2 pics crack me up -Becca can talk Andrew into doing most anything for her. :)
here, she has talked Andrew into pulling her around the pool while she's in/on the air mattress.
as he pulled her around, she sang silly songs and had us all laughing so hard!

and when daddy swims with the kids, the girls almost ALWAYS

ask for him to throw them around....so I video'd them on Sunday. :)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE-THE PROPER WAY TO ACT ON AN AIRPLANE!

I feel like my blog has been a bit "heavy" lately as I've blogged about Elizabeth's attachment issues. I thought it was time for a more light-hearted, yet informative post. :)


ok-I think it's safe to say that most of y'all know I'm a flight attendant for an amazing airline. :) S*uthw*st Airlines is, in my opinion, one of the best...if not THE best airline out there.

I have been at SWA for over 10 years now-hard to believe. My first 5 years, I flew ALOT. 4-5 days a week, sometimes more....for those out there who say "big deal! I go to work 5 days a week"..keep in mind..your pilots and flight attendants do not get to come home at the end of their days. Most of the time, we are on the road for 3 days at a time. You get used to it, but it's a different lifestyle.

When we had Andrew, we debated about me quitting, but decided to stick it out....flight attendants have some amazing perks...one of them is getting to make our schedules....so since we had Andrew, I give away the majority of my schedule and only fly once a month. It's SUCH a blessing!!

I wrote this while on the road...and every time I go fly I think, I really need to blog about how you can make flying easier on you AND on your crew!

So here are a few things to remember when you get on an airplane:

*remember your manners!!!!!!!!!!!! Please and Thank-you and Excuse me go a really long way!! A REALLY LONG WAY.

*Please do not demand things of us flight attendants, ie: "gimme another C*oke." again, please goes a long way!

*Please do not talk to us with your mouths full of food...I cannot tell you how many times people have inadventently spit peanuts on me while trying to tell me what they want to drink. I'd rather wait 30 seconds for you to answer the question "can I get you something to drink?" than to be showered with chewed up nuts.

*when we are handing you your beverage and/or snacks...please hold your hand out and look at us...smiling and/or saying thank you would even be nice. it's just plain old manners again. It happens ALL the time...you bring someone their drink or peanuts and they just point at their tray -not even looking up at you. Personally, I think that is REALLY rude.

*Flight attendants are not there to discipline your children. That is THE PARENTS job! I have been asked many a time, "can you get my son/daughter to do......?" grrrrr. Amazingly, I can. I can nicely but firmly tell a child they need to do xyz and they comply. hmmmmm. maybe mom or dad should try that. :)

*Please do not argue with us when we tell you something needs to be done for safety....ie: your child cannot sit on your lap during taxi or take off if they're over the age of 2...it's not my rule, it's the FAA's....but that was a "discussion" I just had to have the other day. Same with stowing or checking your baggage or turning off your electronic devices.



*oh goodness..now don't get me started on the electronic devices!! When we tell you they need to be turned off....PLEASE turn them off. That rule is for everyone...not everyone except you.

And if I have to personally tell you more than once to turn your device off(99% of the time that would be a cell phone!) , I'm going to start getting irritated. I think my all-time high is having to tell someone 4 times....my next step was calling the flight deck to have them return the plane to the gate so that very important person could continue their very important phone call in the luxury of the terminal. :)

*if you choose to sit in the emergency exit row, we MUST brief you about your duties. please listen to us instead of ignore us and please don't tell me "sure, I'll be the first one out!"...cuz most likely, you won't be. :) You will be responsible to help others out of the aircraft. hehehe! :)

*during the pre-flight emergency demonstration...it'd be nice for you to pay attention. :) If you don't feel like paying attention, I can't make you ...but PLEASE do not interrupt others that are trying to listen and please do not talk loudly, in an effort to talk OVER the emergency information. That happens all the time. It even happened to me the other day -these 3 guys were talking so loudly that I couldn't even hear the other flight attendant giving the information..and I was supposed to be demonstrating!!

*Personal hygiene issues:

~do not put your feet on the tray tables.....people eat off of those.
~please do not clip your nails, either finger or toe, on the aircraft. That is something you should do at home, not in public!
~please do not paint your nails on the plane. The odor of nail polish is very strong, especially in an enclosed metal tube.
~keep your shoes on if you get up to walk around. ESPECIALLY if you are going to the bathroom. The liquid on the floor of the lavatory is almost certainly not water. If I am your flight attendant, I actually won't let you go in to the lavatory without shoes on..you can get mad at me if you want, but I'm just trying to protect you! :)

*I know those seats aren't huge and you really don't have a ton of room, but PLEASE do not hang out into the aisle. That is OUR working space. I come home from every trip with bruises on my legs from elbows and knees I've inadvently bumped as I've tried to walk up and down the aisle...and I'm a size 6 girl. Every flight has at least 1 person, often many, who have some part of their body hanging out into the aisle...feet (so we can trip on you and spill our drinks!), knees, elbows, head...and my personal pet peeve - reading the newspaper in the aisle even though you're still seated in your seat.

I'm quite sure I have more helpful hints to pass along, but these are all I could think of for now. :)

WHAT WERE THE SIGNS/RED FLAGS?

I've had alot of people emailing me or just asking me in person, how did you know you were dealing with attachment issues with Elizabeth, and not just your typical 2/3 year old behaviors?

GOOD QUESTION! :)

without sounding cliche', it was God.

because much, if not all of her behavior could be, and was, written off as "typical behavior".

when John and I would discuss Elizabeth and her behavior, we'd say things like "well, maybe this is just her personality", "boy, she is a strong-willed kid isn't she?!", "she can charm the pants off of anyone can't she!"

it wasn't until months of saying things like this and praying that God would give us wisdom to know how to parent her, that the light dawned and we started seeing the red flags as RED FLAGS.

*****BIG DISCLAIMER****
I've been debating for days/weeks whether to share what were the "signs" or red flags for us for so many reasons. I don't want an adoptive parent to read the things that were red flags to us and just assume their child doesn't have an attachment issue because he/she doesn't exhibit any of the things Elizabeth has. I also don't want an adoptive parent to read some of our red flags and assume their child DOES have an attachment issue....he/she might if they are displaying some of the things Elizabeth is...but I am no expert!!

I just want to tell you what we saw in our daughter and what raised the red flags for us.

Each child is going to exhibit different behaviors with attachment issues...because each child is an individual.

Some kids, like Elizabeth, are going to be passive -aggressive-ish in the way they handle things, others will have tantrums and fits and rages.

If you have red flags, please -at least seek out an attachment counselor and have your child assessed. You'd rather seek out help and find out you don't really need it than to NOT seek out help and realize, down the road, that you should have sought help earlier. The earlier you get help for you and your child, the happier y'all will be! :)

Red Flags/Signs:
*once she knows someone is "safe", ie: friends or family-usually an adult -she will seek out attention from them -by engaging them in a conversation and then soon after trying to get them to pick her up, hold her hand, hug her....

(the good sign here is that she will NOT approach people she doesn't know!)

now-Andrew and Becca will converse and hug our friends too, but they seem to have an internal sense of when "enough is enough" and then they'll go play on their own or with other children.

Elizabeth does not have that internal sense to tell her "enough". She will continue to engage that other person...seeking more and more attention.

Because she is adorable and sweet and charming, most people think it's "so cute" and don't mind her "bugging them".

This almost ALWAYS happens when I begin to engage in a conversation with friends...therefore not giving her full attention.

*since learning English, she has become quite a talker. I think that is "normal" for kids her age. I really do. And she is inquisitive...again, normal.

not normal-constant..and I mean, typically constant, chatter in the car, especially when I'm driving. And quite often, it's not just chatter, it's questioning. And often times, it's the same questions over and over..."where is daddy?" "where is his car?", 2 minutes later, "where is daddy?"....the first counselor told us to answer her questions once and then if she asks a question we know she knows the answer to, ask it to her back. that would look like "where is daddy?" in a pleasant tone, "Elizabeth, I think you know where daddy is -can you tell me?"

the constant chatter in the car also involved quite a bit of "look at me", "what is this/that?", "can you see me?"

there were days that just driving to the store would exhaust me and give me a headache-no joking -simply from the constant questions and chatter. But I wrote it off to "she was just inquisitive" and I think it's important to talk with our kids in the car! :)

*"naughty" behavior -we are a family that expects obedience from our children. for the first couple months, Elizabeth was given ALOT of grace when it came to obedience issues as she was adjusting to our family, learning what was ok and what wasn't, learning the language, etc. As we began to enforce boundaries, we'd notice she'd try to push them~this can be "normal", but it just didn't seem so in Elizabeth's case.

one example: We made it clear that she wasn't to touch the phone, the remote controls, or the computer (none of the kids are allowed to do that, not just single-ing her out!).....in our presence, she would almost always comply...but we would notice she'd try to sneakily disobey. We'd see her sneak into the office and then hear tap-tap-tapping on the keyboards.....or we'd hear the dialtone of the phone and find her in a room with the phone...not touching it but it was obvious she had pushed the buttons.

Little things like this ALL the time. Also, we noticed she would half-way obey. I'd ask her to put her shoes in the shoe garage in her closet, and then watch her go into her room and throw 'em on the floor. I know it's not unusual for a kid to do that, it's just that it would happen over and over ..it just didn't make sense.

As she did gain security in our family, we noticed more compliance in the obedience area...but then we'd slip into "naughty cycles"...now we know them to be cycles of insecurity....and it was like she had forgotten everything!

We kept saying "she just doesn't get it!...or if she gets it, she doesn't care!'

what frustrated us on this behavior is that we KNOW she is bright. we have been told by medical and educational professionals that she is a very bright child. so why was she not getting the rules of our house?!

*potty training -she potty trained in something like 2 days flat once I really tried with her. But then, we started noticing accidents.....looking back, those accidents were during times of insecurity....but we didn't realize that at the time. The accidents are NEVER just one...for Elizabeth, it was several in one day....or at least 2-3 in a 2 day period.

*food/eating -we started noticing that there were days when she wouldn't eat all of her meal, even when encouraged to do so. At first we didn't think much of it...sometimes she just didn't like what she was eating. But then we noticed she'd ask for snacks soon after the meal..so she HAD been hungry. Still we dismissed it. Then we noticed it wasn't just one meal every once in awhile...it was becoming a habit. The big red flag was when I started seeing this as a battle so I would make her her favorite foods...and she'd still refuse to eat.

~side note here ~the first counselor we saw said that adopted kiddos will OFTEN display their attachment issues by pushing buttons with a food battle and with the potty battle. These are the 2 buttons that get to their parents the most. The food battle is especially important to pay attention to because it IS NOT about the food, it is about the control...and it often times grows into an eating disorder for the child, especially the girls.


*Elizabeth is a very charming little girl. I do think that is one of her God-given, natural gifts. I really do. But she uses her cuteness to manipulate adults...into getting attention. This is the main red flag that caused us to seek help. John and I are both fearful of what this behavior will look like in 10-12 years when she is a teenager....manipulating attention from others.

As we sought out help, we realized that all of our red flags are indeed, true red flags of an attachment disorder. Everything I listed above IS a sign of a possible issue.

This may sound odd, but I felt relieved. I wasn't off my rocker. So many people were telling me "oh don't worry, this is "normal" behavior"...but my gut told me differently. Andrew is only 27 mo. older than Elizabeth and Rebecca is only 10 months older than her....I didn't experience any of these things with my biological children...and those experiences were fresh in my mind. :)

The first counselor we saw thought Elizabeth's issues were minor, but he also only spent about 10 minutes with her. Our new counselor is going to be spending 4-5 hours with Elizabeth and I, watching us interact in specific situations in order to "assess" Elizabeth's attachment issues. I still tend to believe her issues are "minor"...but I could be very wrong too. :)

I am sure there are more red flags we saw over the past 19 months, but these are the ones I'm remembering right now. :)

We have continued to have really good days with Elizabeth. Her bracelet of "mommy's love" seems to be helping immensely. I have especially noticed our times in the car are much quieter..seriously. She is not constantly asking me to "look at me" or answer "what is that?" as she points at the window. To be sure, we're still talking and I'm still trying to teach them about things as we drive...but Elizabeth is acting, dare I say it, "normal" in the car as long as she has "mommy's love".

Interestingly, on Monday and Tuesday, Elizabeth said to me, "mommy, I cry for you. I scared. I no find you. no know where are you. don't have mommy's love". I don't know if she was referencing times past when she couldn't find me or didn't know where I was, or if she was talking about that day and we were just in different rooms, but I thought it was interesting she has already been able to express that she was scared because she couldn't find me and therefore didn't have "mommy's love".

I KNOW we are going to have more downward spirals and more insecure cycles and more battles, but I cannot tell you how hopeful I am now.

I see that there IS a light at the end of this tunnel.