BIRUK'S READOPTION

November 10, 2010

Biruk John was officially "re-adopted" into our family.

By re-adopting him, we are making the adoption final in the US (he has legally been ours since March -this is really just a formality) which means he can get a US birth certificate stating John and I as his father and mother...AND we can apply for his US citizenship now!

With Elizabeth, she came home as a US citizen...but when we adopted Biruk the process was different and he came home as a "legal resident"...we needed to re-adopt him so he could gain US citizenship.

here we all are in the courtroom

after the hearing
it's offical -we're "suitable parents" and Biruk can officially be ours!

what's fun is this is the exact same judge and the exact same court room we had for Elizabeth's re-adoption. :)


thanks to my dad who was able to come along and take pics and help with the other 3 kids!


And as we did after Elizabeth's readoption, we headed to Dun*kin' Donuts to celebrate!!

it was hard to get a good pic of all of us cuz of the sun!!!

celebrating was JUST what Biruk needed after the court hearing.

We had told the kids a day or 2 ahead of time we'd all be going to court to make Biruk officially part of our family.
Because Biruk didn't understand exactly what was going on, he was nervous.
very nervous.

and insecure.

He exhibited alot of insecure behaviors for those few days before court.

A re-adoption hearing takes all of about 8 minutes.

seriously.
when it was all over and nothing bad happened. you could tell Biruk was relieved. :)

I'm glad we had already planned a celebratory donut snack for him!

This little experience helped to re-enforce we will keep him safe and that he can trust us.

BIRUK'S ADJUSTMENTS ~ PART 2

if you missed part 1 from a week or so ago, you can read about it here .

After I wrote the initial post about Biruk's adjustments thus far, a few other things came to mind...things or issues we had been told to expect and sure enough, are dealing with. I thought they might be really helpful to another family who is in the process of or considering adopting an older child.

First though -in an effort to give each child 1 on 1 attention, we are having "mommy dates" and "daddy dates". Since the kids are with me all the time, they seem to be more excited for their daddy dates! But that's OK ~they still seem to enjoy their dates with me. :)

Back in October, when Biruk was REALLY struggling, I took him on a mommy date.
We went to Build*A*Bear so he could make a stuffed animal of his very own. He probably never had a stuffed animal in Ethiopia because he LOVES stuffed animals here...and the kids have been so sweet to share their animals thus far, but we thought it only proper to let Biruk have one of his very own.

He LOVES this camo bear ~sleeps with him every night. :)

and it was some good mommy-son time spent. we had a good chat and I gleaned some information from him about life back in Ethiopia ~particularly about how he knew his "first mommy" loved him ~how he perceives he is loved.



ADJUSTMENTS ~
We had been warned of a few issues we may run into in adopting an older child....hoarding and regression.

Hoarding-We anticipated much worse than we actually are dealing with...but Biruk does hoard/packrat/save everything. He sleeps in the same room as Andrew, but has his own room with a bed (now it's really just a guestroom!), his clothes, a toy chest, and a desk. When he first arrived home, we gave him a plastic box in which to keep "special things" he wanted to save. We anticipated him potentially "saving" food and such so thought a plastic box would at least help keep bugs away!

Thankfully he doesn't hoard or save food!
But pretty much everything else is fair game. :)

He has filled up nearly every drawer of the desk in his room...with stuff.
random stuff
price tags off toys or clothes, drawings he has made, projects he did in Sunday School, trinkets he finds on the street,
rubber bands, paper clips.....

at first he would also take toys out of the other kids' rooms (mainly Andrew's) and hide them in the desk drawers too.

we quickly put an end to taking others' toys and things...but we are still allowing the "collection" of other items.
It seems important to him to hold onto things -probably because he didn't have things of his own before.

AND, the longer he is with us, the less we find him collecting things.

I will admit that John and I have, on a few occassions, cleaned out the desk drawers. :) not completely of course....but we'll take out 1/2 the paper clips or rubber bands...throw away random price tags or things it's obvious he won't even know are gone. If we didn't do this, he would have NO room to add to his collection!

Regression -
This is a big issue and "struggle" for us if I'm going to be honest.
We fully anticipated Biruk regressing...and even encouraged it to a point.
He came to us at a smidge under 6 yrs old....and really, was right on target developmentally -he could get dressed by himself, shower himself, tie his shoes, etc etc.

Even in Ethiopia, we began to regress him a little bit ~we tied his shoes for him, we cut up his food, we did little things for him that we knew he could do himself...but we wanted to do them for him to show him we were there to care for him, even in little ways.

It took about a day for him to realize we'd do or help him do the little things and he eagerly began coming to us for help!

We had been warned and were ready for him to regress even more once home. That because our American culture is so very different, it would be more like having a 3 or 4 yr old in a 6 yr old's body...he would need to touch everything, explore everything, play with toys intended for much younger children, etc etc.


Knowing and being ready for it is one thing.....living with it for an extended period is another, and has been trying at times.


This warning and advice has been spot-on.
In many ways, Biruk is more like a 4 yr old emotionally.
It's almost as if he's regressed so that he can then go thru those stages with us.
It is good ~but can be really trying at times.


He is still in the "exploring" stage -but when he first came home he was REALLY into exploring...going thru the house opening every cabinet, every drawer, every door...picking everything up,holding it, studying it.

He is still very much into touching things.
and right now with all the "new" Christmas decorations out, this has been tough.
He has broken a few of the Christmas decorations simply because he's been touching them, trying to figure out how they work, etc.

Several other things in our house have been broken ...not intentionally, it's simply because he's exploring and touching and wasn't taught to always be careful.

He's learning. :)

Just the other day he asked to hold my keys as we left the grocery store, within seconds I noticed he was spinning the key ring..he was in the process of taking the keys and key fab off the ring! I know he wasn't trying to be sneaky or naughty and lose the keys...he was simply trying to figure out how the keys stayed on the ring!
Thank God I noticed it before we lost all the keys!!


I have a few more posts in the works ~Biruk's readoption pictures, Halloween, an NFL game, Thanksgiving, and random Christmasy pictures too! I'm hoping to be caught up soon!

BIRUK'S ADJUSTMENTS ~7MONTHS HOME ~really long post

word of warning -this is a really long post -I mainly wrote it all down so we have a reference point to see how far we've come...but also for other families who may be considering or in the middle of older child adoption.

I have 8 more posts coming over the next few days ~and they're all 90% photos..so much less reading will be involved!

This post has been a long time coming.

I've really hesitated posting this.

I want to be real and honest...but I also don't want people to think we're awful or unaware parents for saying some of the last 7 months has been really hard.


So here goes:
The first few months with Biruk were blissful....but we knew it couldn't and wouldn't last. He was on his best behavior ~doing EVERYTHING he could to please us. Although we loved that :) we also knew he needed to be real with us...his true personality needed to come through and it wasn't realistic nor good for him to be on his best behavior.

Around the end of the 2nd month is when the real adoption adjustments started happening...the newness of this situation wore off for all of us and we had to find our new normal.

I'm not going to lie...it hasn't been easy -for any of the 6 of us. We've ALL struggled trying to adjust to our new situation.

But it hasn't been horrific either ~I know of situations that are WAY worse than ours.

Struggle #1- Biruk has really struggled to figure how to fit into our family. Our world and our family operate so differently than what he was accustomed to in Ethiopia.

From what we have gathered over the last 7 months, he was accustomed to being the center of attention...the favored child...and with that "favorite" status came priviledges.

In our family there is no "favorite" child...all are loved and treated as equally and fairly as we can...privileges are given to each child as they earn them.

This has seemingly rocked Biruk's world. He has really struggled with not being the center of attention, but when he is or he earns a special privilege, he then tends to see himself as "the favored one" and begins to boss the others and try to parent them...which then means he is corrected for his behavior....which then confuses him and he desperately seeks attention any way he can get it...which leads to us paying attention to him.....can you see the cycle?

I know this sounds like a trivial problem, but rest assured, after 7 months of living this cycle ~it can be exhausting. :) and of course there is much more to it than what I explain here....but for Biruk's sake I won't be expounding.


John and I just try to be as consistent and loving as we possibly can...and realize that the main factor in breaking this cycle is TIME. Biruk just needs TIME to "get" how things are done/not done in our family.

He needs time to feel more and more secure here...and more secure in our love.

And we DO see improvements in this area...slowly but surely the insecure behaviors are getting less and less ~praise God!!


Struggle #2 -impact on the other kids -The struggles we've had with Biruk mean we're pouring (naturally!) alot of time into him....which does sometimes set off Elizabeth's attachment issues. *sigh* Thankfully, her healing is at a point where we can recognize the signs of her struggles early and try to nip her insecurities in the bud.

Part of what helps Elizabeth heal is special time with John and I (mostly me).

Lots of time with Biruk and Elizabeth mean much less time with Andrew and Becca.

They have been such troopers.

Can I just brag on those 2 for a second?! They have had to take a "sideline" roll so to speak for a long time now....when Elizabeth's issues were really bad ~we had little quality time with them...and then we adopted Biruk and his brother...and, well, as you know, things were CRAZY for quite awhile....and then we start to settle in and we start dealing with these adjustment issues with Biruk.

We knew we were shorting Andrew and Becca...but it was more knowing in the back of your mind...until a week or 2 ago when they both commented on how hard these past few months have been and how they've really missed John and I.

*SIGH*

and so, even if it triggers more insecurities in Biruk and Elizabeth, we NEED to be more deliberate in our time with Andrew and Becca. Thankfully, they understand why the last few months have been hard and they've been more than patient...but we don't want them to miss us anymore than they already do.


Struggle #3 -Hypervigilance -this is something I think many adopted children struggle with...I know Elizabeth struggled with this as well, in her own way.

Biruk has actually started getting better with this recently ~but from months 2-6.5, he has REALLY been hypervigilant.

What does hypervigilance look like?
He was/is acutely aware of EVERYTHING going on around him...and feels he needs to know about/be apart of everything going on.

some examples:
*he wants to know about/be apart of every conversation going on....if I'm talking with one of the other kids, Biruk will pick up on 1 or 2 words he recongizes and then interject into the conversation. He'll do this even when John and I are having conversations ~he could be several feet away but seems to have 1 ear on us~pick up on a word or phrase and then start asking questions.

at first we shook this off as him being inquisitive...but as time went on, we realized it wasn't so much about being inquisitive as it was trying to have a hand in everything going on. We have now started nipping this behavior as soon as we recognize it ~lovingly but firmly telling him "I'm not talking to you right now -I'm talking to daddy (or whomever it may be)" . Since taking this approach, his constant interjecting has definitely lessened.

*he constantly wants to know what is happening next during the day....and at night, he wants to know EXACTLY what we are doing the next day and the timing of it all. I know, for him, knowing what is coming next brings him comfort and stability and so most of the time I will tell him what is next/give him the run down of the next day.

BUT, on the advice of a wise friend, I have also started implementing this phrase, "honey, I'm not sure what we will do later/tomorrow, but you will be with me and I will keep you safe." I was SO hesitant to do this the first time ~thinking it wouldn't go so well....but Biruk actually smiled and a look of relief washed over his face.

I think he needed to hear he'd be with me and he'd be safe.

So I've started using that phrase more and more.

Struggle #4 -constant chatter/constant questioning - this is one of the more mentally exhausting behaviors. It's actually something we dealt with with Elizabeth early on in her attachment counseling. Talking non-stop is a way to hold onto the parent's attention when you're feeling insecure.

yes, there is an element to this where the child needs to be able to practice the new language and ask a bunch of questions...we totally understand that.

what I'm talking about is non-stop chatter....for example...if Biruk is struggling, we get a "play by play" of his activity -it goes something like this.

mom, I'm going to eat my peaches now.

mom, I'm eating my peaches.

mom, I've eaten 1 of my peaches, 3 more to go.
mom, I'm done with my peaches, I'm going to start eating my egg now.

mom, I've taken 1 bite of egg, I have 4 more bites left.

This example applies to anything he might do ~bike riding, getting dressed, coloring, you name it, we've probably had the play-by-play. :)

And although we think it's a good thing he wants to talk and practice this English, after 5-6 months of play-by-play, we've figured out there is more behind it than just needing to practice English...it's a way to keep us focused on him ~for whatever reason.

and so we're lovingly but consistently nipping this behavior too ~when we notice the constant, non-stop chatter we tell him he needs to be more quiet and we might try to re-direct him with some eye contact and a direct question. We know this constant chatter is an attempt to have our attention so we try to give it in a more positive way.

If this approach doesn't work we have to enforce no talking for a small amount of time by telling him to "give your voice a rest" or "give your mouth a hug" (placing his hand over his mouth and not talking ~usually lasts 15-30 seconds ~and it helps him get the message to stop talking).


the constant questioning is recognized when he will ask the same question several times in a very small period of time....OR question after question about things we know he knows about. I've started to call him on this, especially the asking the same question over and over. As we were counseled with Elizabeth, if he asks the same question more than once (sometimes I wait 'till after the 2nd time just to make certain we're dealing with the same question), we tell him "you've already asked this question. can you remember the answer I already gave?". 9 times out of 10 he knows the answer and the repeated questioning stops

*******************************************
so I've just told you about the roughstuff we're going thru...let me tell you about some of the good stuff:

English -it really is amazing to think this boy has only been here for 7months. his English is GREAT. sure, it's not perfect and when he gets excited he can't communicate effectively...but considering he came to us with about 5 English words...and his English is probably better than Elizabeth's -I'd say that is a HUGE accomplishment!

School -he is doing really well in homeschooling. he seems to really thrive on the structure...and I love that I get to be the one teaching him and celebrating his successes. We did just have a set back when I realized he's been memorizing everything...every flashcard, every math fact, every everything. It's how they're taught in Ethiopia...you don't really learn, you memorize. He can't think for himself...he wants to be told the answers so he can memorize. It really is a testament to how truly bright he is ~he's been memorizing things for 3 months now!

so I've had to regroup and re-teach letters and sounds, re-teach how to do math, etc. It's been a difficult few weeks as this is totally new to Biruk ~thinking for himself and not memorizing ~but he's starting to get it and it's really exciting to watch him figure out he CAN do this!!

Play -for the first several months he didn't know what to do with himself when we had the kids "just play". I'd give him 2-3 options and even then, it was hard for him to decide AND he'd only play for 5 minutes or so.

This has improved GREATLY! I started implementing times throughout the day that the kids needed to play quietly -I'd even set the timer so there was a definitive end. I started out with just 10 minutes..I think we're up to about 20 now! AND, I've instituted "reading time"..and even though Biruk and Elizabeth can't read yet, they can find books to just look at ~but they must sit quietly for the allotted time.

This has done WONDERS for Biruk! He is much more able to "find something to do" when we, as a family, are not doing something structured.

Grieving/Healing -I realize we're just at the beginning stages of this, but I still think it's SO good that the grieving, and subsequent healing has already begun. As Biruk has felt more and more safe with us, he has opened up more and more about the good and bad that he experienced in Ethiopia. And with the bad, we're able comfort him, help him feel safe here, reassure him, etc.

Church/Bible -one of his favorite things all week is to go to Sunday School! It always has been. I LOVE that he loves church.

His family background was Ethiopian Orthodox....so at least he was exposed to some basic Christian doctrine, though Orthodox is very different than our Protestant/Reformed Theology. This background has really helped him as he is somewhat familiar with traditional Bible stories.

His prayers are so sweet and heartfelt. He really loves praying for the children we sponsor around the world...and maybe because he's lived through not enough food and not being safe ~his prayers tend to center on these 2 issues. And he prays SO earnestly for God to give "new families" to the children waiting. It's heart-warming and heart-breaking to listen to.

We are working, slowly, on Scripture memory. You'd think this would be easy given his propensity to memorize, but this has come more slowly for him...but that's OK. It WILL come and I love that he's just trying!

Food - Biruk's love of all food continues to amaze us and make us so thankful! He is now comfortable enough to tell me when he doesn't like something. But not liking something is extremely rare! He really enjoys Italian food!!

We do think he is dairy intolerant. We've been told many older Ethiopian kids are dairy intolerant..cow milk (and its derivatives) just isn't common there....so their systems have a hard time processing it. We are trying to feed him as close to a dairy free diet as possible..which is really hard considering we all LOVE dairy. :) And of course Biruk loves ice cream so this new dietary change isn't going over so well for him!

Behavior -He continues to be a sweet and very well behaved boy. When he does need correcting, he takes it to heart and tries to change immediately. We've been really impressed with his willingness to submit to our authority and his earnestness in trying to obey.


*************************************

If you've stayed with me to this point, thanks!

I'm glad I was able to post this, and hopefully it might help another family.

At the very least, it gives you a glimpse into our lives over the past 7 months. :)

3 YEARS AGO TODAY.....

we met Elizabeth HuiLing for the very first time.

it was an exhausting and emotional day for mommy, daddy, and Elizabeth

but it didn't take Elizabeth long to figure out we were different than her other care-takers....

her countenance started to change...from a scared little girl to one who knew love and safety.

the 3 kids 3 days after we arrived home from China in Nov. '07

the 3 kids 1 year later on November 4, 2008

November 4, 2009

and this morning, November 4, 2010

Elizabeth has grown from a scared little girl to one full of life, joy, and love.

She has come so far in just 3 years...and we simply cannot imagine life without her!

We love you sweet Elizabeth HuiLing!

DADDY, MOMMY, AND UNSOLICITED HUGS

From the very day we met the boys they called us "mom" and "dad". I'm fairly certain the transition home they were in coached them on this.

In our house, we are rarely called "mom" and "dad"...usually the kids call us "mommy" and "daddy".

It sounds a bit silly, but I've longed for Biruk to call us mommy and daddy...but wanted it to be in his own time. There's something about a child calling you "mommy" over just "mom" that denotes a closer relationship-at least for me.

Yesterday I noticed he started calling John "daddy". All on his own. My heart melted. We never told him to, he just picked up on it.

Today he started calling me "mommy". My heart melted again.

And if that wasn't enough for today, I received several unsolicited hugs from my newest little blessing.

Oh my.

I've been exhausted lately, mentally and physically. The Lord knew just how to fill me up today. :) Biruk letting me into his world just a bit more AND my sweet hubby taking the kids on errands for 2 hours so I could sleep.

Thank you Lord for providing just what I needed today.

PRAISING GOD-SIGHS OF RELIEF

We are praising God for 2 "sighs of relief" today.

1. Just today Ethiopia instituted a new rule for adoptive familes -effective immediately. Both adoptive parents must appear before the judge on the given court date.

Families that have appointments next week will be required to show up or have their date post-poned.

We feel so protected that our case was heard and approved last week...and finalized Monday.



2. We just received the "report" from an appointment Elizabeth had about a month ago.
We spent about an hour having various doctors look at and evaluate her -figuring out when to start her surgeries. Her first surgery will be Jaw Distraction. Her surgeon speculated we may need to start the surgeries (she has at least 8 ahead of her between jaw and ear) this coming Fall.

The report states they want to wait 12 months and then re-evaluate at that point. Mainly, the wait is because she is still so tiny!

Praising God for this delay. I know she needs the surgeries...but we were worried that having surgery so soon after having her brothers come home might be really tough on her.

We are feeling awfully blessed this evening!

CELEBRATING EYOB & BRUK

**just a quick note that I'll be removing the pic of the boys in the previous post. I hate to do it, but rules and guidelines in Ethiopian adoption keep changing. Our agency rep said it was fine to post their pic but the director in charge of their care said it might be better if we waited closer to when they come home. So, out of caution, I'll be removing their pic...but reposting it once we're a tad closer to traveling.

Now-to celebrate our precious boys' official adoption day, the kids and I made a cake yesterday!

it still hasn't sunk in that we have 2 more boys.

things have gone at lightning speed with this adoption and it's just hard for me to wrap my mind around it all!

it took us 2 years from start to finish to have Elizabeth home...if things continue to go at the pace they are, it will be 8.5 months from start to finish with this adoption. CRAZY! in fact, I want to do a post just about God's provision with this adoption...how He has allowed things to go so much faster than "the norm".

HERE THEY ARE!

**3/9/10 -just edited the photo so you can see the smile that captured my heart 4 months ago..i'll have to find a photo of Bruk for me to crop so you can see his precious smile too : ) **

we just received a call from our agency...the adoption has been completely finalized, the boys are legally ours, and she said to "feel free" to post their pic....so I am. :)

here are our handsome boys!!

Eyob is the older one and Bruk is the younger.

Our YWAM director is in Ethiopia right now and will be getting their sizes for us (over the summer Eyob was only 3 inches shorter than me!!) and asking them about their names. If they'd like to keep their Ethiopian names, that is fine with us...if they'd like to have Amercian names, we can do that too. :) Being that they are older, we want them to have a part in that decision.

but for now, they are Eyob and Bruk to us!

MARCH 5TH BABY!

about 2 hours ago I received a VERY unexpected phone call from our adoption agency rep.

it had been a rough morning for me...just lots of little things bringing me to the verge of tears

what our agency rep said made me cry the ugly cry and I'm sure she thought I was crazy....

she had just been given word that we have a court date for our boys.

MARCH 5TH.

as in NEXT FRIDAY.


This is HIGHLY unusual...to get a court date so soon. We were told to expect a court date 6-8 weeks out from the date it's given to us.


Please pray for us....that if it's the Lord's will, the boys' case will PASS court on the 5th. It isn't unusual to have your case delayed for numerous reasons.

Please pray for the family living with us. This unexpected news means they cannot stay with us as long as we had originally told them. We will need them to move 0ut within a few weeks, not months. Please pray that we found them housing VERY soon...AND affordable furniture (at least beds!).


I am simply stunned today. Stunned at God's goodness to give us this court date. Stunned that in 12 days I may be able to share my precious boys' pictures and be able to officially call them OUR sons!

GETTING READY & GOOD NEWS!

the "kids' room" closet -now with Large and X-Large clothing.

a bit surreal to see "E's" things hanging and on the shelf.

Didn't think we'd be seeing that size clothing in our house for another 3-5 years! :)

**don't worry -the closet hasn't been completely cleaned out. The craft boxes above, the pack-n-play, and the girls' Easter dresses will be moved out before the boys come home!**

over the Christmas break we started re-arranging the office/spare bedroom and the "school room". We still have some re-arranging to do but the school room is now the "kids room" -it will hold the kids' toys and all of their books along with "E's" clothes so that he can have privacy to change. We also moved the spare bed in here for now so that when "E" comes home he can sleep in here if he wants to get away from his 2 6yr old brothers. :)

**in case I didn't mention it, all 3 boys will share the same room for the first 6-12 months to help the boys adjust ..then if "E" wants his own room we'll move things around again**



now-for our good news.

the boys know about us!

last night we received updated pictures of them ~receiving our care packages!!

It's surreal to think they are looking at pictures of us -just like we're looking at pictures of them!

Please keep them in your prayers... they have some VERY big adjustments coming in the next weeks and months.

**for the record..this is our 3rd set of pics of the boys already! I cannot emphasize enough how absolutely WONDERFUL working with YWAM's Adoption Ministry has been. If you are AT ALL contemplating adopting from Ethiopia, PLEASE consider using them**

OUR ROLLER COASTER WEEK RECAP-BULLETS AND PICTURES

Here is a quick recap of last week. I figured the easiest way to blog about our very full week was to do bullets and pictures. Enjoy!

*Monday -We had Elizabeth's attachment therapy appointment. With John and I at various stages of sickness over the past 2 weeks, Christmas prep, and finishing up our adoption paperwork, Elizabeth has been struggling some with insecurity. It hasn't been overwhelming -just makes our days a bit more difficult AND thankfully, not nearly as difficult as they were before we started attachment therapy.

The appointment didn't go well. 1/2 way through the appointment our counselor tried something with Elizabeth that triggered an unexpected response and subsequently a REALLY hard day for Elizabeth and I. Without going into detail, we're glad Elizabeth reacted the way she did so that we now know there is more to her recovery than just attachment.

Tears were just under the surface for me the entire week. Sometimes I would just look at Elizabeth and leave the room so she wouldn't see me crying.

It is extremely difficult to NOT KNOW what happened to your child before they were put in your arms. We are trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together for her...but it will never be complete. And that is hard for me as a mom.

*Wednesday -we had 2 of our nieces spend the night!

Joanna is on the right. She and Becca are like 2 peas in a pod even though Joanna is just 2 weeks younger than Elizabeth. I didn't get a picture of Julia -but that is probably because she was either busy playing with Andrew OR busy helping me out. She is just the sweetest girl!!!

*Wednesday we also received our final piece of adoption paperwork in the mail.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*Thursday we got that piece of paper notarized!

*Friday -FIELD TRIP DAY!!

the kids and I drove downtown to our State Capitol to have our adoption paperwork "state sealed". It's the 2nd to last step in this process.

***********not only were we able to get our dossier State Sealed in a matter of minutes, we walked across the street to Vital Records to check on Elizabeth's US birth certificate. It was ready 3 mo. ago, but they didn't type her Chinese middle name correctly -so the paperwork had to be completely re-done and process thru the courts. UGH. BUT.....it was correct on Friday!!************

My little girl has a REAL birth certificate that lists US as her mommy and daddy!!!

LOVE IT!

we had a celebratory lunch at Carl's * Jr. :)

**Still Friday -we raced home after lunch, I made a bunch of copies of our paperwork and then we raced to Fed*Ex to send our dossier on to the Assistant Stork! They will walk our dossier through the State Deparment and Ethiopian Embassy in Washington*DC for us then send it to our agency.

My hope is that our agency will receive it the week after Christmas, and send it to Ethiopia the first week of January. Praying it happens!!!

the kids were going to go in with me so I could get the official picture, but Miss Elizabeth fell asleep -so John (who met us there) stayed with them while I went in. Andrew is holding the file with 3 1/2 mo of papework!!

this is what I found when I returned...the kids jumping around in the trailer and John drinking a chocolate milk shake. :)


*Saturday -Walk Through Bethlehem

A town about 25 minutes south of us had a church doing a Walk Through Bethlehem...so we loaded up the kids and headed out with some friends.

Roman solider standing guard at the gate to Bethlehem

it was basically a big round area blocked off with "walls" and it was set up as a marketplace with several booths with things the kids could do.

the kids making olive oil with an olive press

making a "salvation" bracelet

the food market

they had oranges cut up for anyone to partake in.

do you see what's right underneath the oranges on the board?

Andrew asked if he could have one of the carrots! the woman was surprised but chopped off the end and handed him his carrot. :) He gnawed on it ALL the way home -and finished it off before we actually got home. what 6 yr old boy asks to snack on carrots?!

sorting thru cotton -picking the seeds out then putting the "clean" cotton into the crushed seeds to die it red

making unleavened bread

outside the "city" was a stable set up with of course, Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus


It was a roller coaster week for me emotionally -incredible lows as we dealt with a new development in Elizabeth's therapy and recover -to incredible highs as we finished our part of our Ethiopian paperwork AND received Elizabeth's proper birth certificate!!

I'm so glad we rounded out the week not only a high note, but "walking through Bethlehem" and remembering the humble beginnings of our Savior.

ATTACHMENT-"forgetfulness"

my poor baby! if she skips nap she will usually fall asleep at dinner. This was my sweetness Sunday night. :)

Elizabeth has struggled a bit these last 2 days. It's not exceptionally difficult -it's just this sense I have. I've known her long enough and know her personality well enough to just sense when she is struggling with insecurity.

I'm not sure what has triggered her -maybe it's me being under the weather and I can't love on her like I usually do...maybe it's something I don't even know about.....whatever it is, I'm trying to address it the best I can.

Yesterday afternoon, after naps, I got out the puff balls and we played "puff ball air hockey" for a bit. I made sure I gave her attention, little touches to let her know I was there and loved her, etc.

This morning we had our "school time". Andrew and Becca were gems. When they could sense I was having trouble with Elizabeth, they did ALL their work without playing around, without needing me to help (they helped each other), etc. so proud of them!

How did I struggle with Elizabeth? She "forgot" everything we had been working on these last few weeks. At first you may say "but Jeanette, maybe she really did forget her letter sounds. maybe she didn't really know the answers to the questions."

At first I gave her the benefit of the doubt. But when I would GIVE her the answer and then ask her to repeat it and she would give me something completely off the wall...I knew we were dealing with attachment stuff.

She knows this frustrates me and it's a button she hasn't used in a LONG time. If she can frustrate me and get me angry, I will push her away -which is what she is looking for. It doesn't make ANY sense -this attachment stuff -but it is what it is.

Without exaggeration, we worked on the same 5 questions of "what sound does xyz start with" for 15 minutes.

I'm sorry to say that I did get frustrated..even though I KNEW not to.

I then took Elizabeth to our 'special chair' -it's right by the Christmas tree and it's where we usually do our babytime/cuddle time.

We talked. I hugged her. She told me she was sad inside...a HUGE breakthrough for her to be able to tell me what was going on. She couldn't tell me why she was sad. I asked her if I could help take the sadness away and try to make her happy. She told me I could feed her, smile at her, and give her hugs. I immediately got some pudding in a cup and fed her....of course smiling at her...and then we sat and hugged for awhile.

Then we went back and tried that same page of school work again. She smoked it. Knew every answer on that page and almost every answer on the following 2 pages.

I wish I could take her insecurities away. not just selfishly because it would make our lives easier...but for her sake. It baffles us. Normally, someone who is insecure wants a person to love them more and they do whatever they can to get that love and attention....but kids with attachment issues attempt to push their loved ones away -keep them at a distance. We have seen such tremendous strides with Elizabeth that sometimes it's easy to forget she still struggles with insecurity....and then times like these last 2 days pop up and we're reminded of how fragile she really is inside...and how there is still a hurt little girl in there.

Our hope and prayer is that one day these attachment struggles will be long forgotten -for both Elizabeth and for us.

BLOG PARTY GIVE-AWAY -TUTUS FOR OLGA!

My friend Sarah of http://www.arewethereyetla5.blogspot.com/ has been having a blog party all week to raise awareness for the precious kiddos at Reece's Rainbow.

Today's give-away is a tutu made by Olga's Family - http://www.bringingadeleehome.blogspot.com/

You can enter Sarah's give-away to win a tutu...AND you can go to Olga's site and order one for that special little girl in your life. :)

But you have to hurry to enter the give-away!!!

ATTACHMENT GAME

On Monday, Elizabeth and I returned to Attachment Counseling. We had taken a 4 month break due to scheduling difficulties between us and the counselor.

It was a GREAT session. We learned a couple new and fun games to play and I wanted to share 1 of them with you. Even if you don't think your adopted child has any attachment issues -play this with them. Play it with your bio kids! My 3 had THE BEST time playing this!!! Of course it's supposed to be between Elizabeth and I or Elizabeth and daddy...but for the sake of pics and video I used Andrew and Becca. :)

Use a cotton ball or a "puff" ball you can get at a craft store.

There are 2 versions of this game we call Air Hockey:

Version 1: get on opposite sides of a small table. Put puff ball in the middle and put arms up as "walls". Get down to table level and you each have to blow to make the puff move. Encourage eye contact the whole time.

Version 2: Same thing-opposite sides, puff ball in middle...but this time you each get a straw and try to blow the puff around with the straw.

I'm telling you -the kids giggled SO hard they could hardly blow!

Can I just say how glad I am that we have found not only a great therapist, but a great approach to Elizabeth's attachment?

There are 2 schools of thought out there ~1 centers around "holding time" and the other around play -called "theraplay".

I know some people have used holding time and have seen it work..the synopsis of this is to hold the child, usually against their will, and as the child (and/or you) becomes agitated, you can work thru calming down together. I tried this for a few months with Elizabeth and it just didn't work. I read the book over and over trying to figure out what I was doing wrong...and it just didn't work for us.

As soon as we started this "new school" of thought attachment therapy-thera-play, we saw huge strides in Elizabeth. I LOVE that the groundwork for this therapy is play, love and nurturing. All things you would of course do with the "old school" of thought but just without the forced holding.

I LOVE that we leave each therapy/counseling session with new games and tools to use with Elizabeth -and even for Andrew and Rebecca.

I know this is getting long...but can I also say how WELL Elizabeth did?! In the past, the therapy/counseling sessions have been emotionally draining on her and she will instantly fall asleep on our way home (regardless of the time of day) AND she will have a few really ROUGH days following therapy -just too intense for her.

Not only did Elizabeth NOT fall asleep on our way home, she has not had any rough days so far. Maybe a few rough moments here and there...but nothing like before. PRAISE THE LORD!!

We are seeing HUGE strides in her attachment....perfect timing since our dossier should be in Ethiopia by Christmas. :)

CAN YOU HELP? even a little bit?! PLEASE! :)

Operation Giggle (http://www.operationgiggle.blogspot.com/) is doing a few things I'm REALLY excited about AND there is an urgency to this need.

Operation Giggle has partnered with our placing agency, YWAM, to provide Christmas for the widows and orphans in their current homes as well as for 25 street boys in Gimbie. You can read about these precious boys here : http://thatwemightbeadopted.blogspot.com/2009/09/street-kids-part-2.html

I DARE YOU TO READ ABOUT THEM!! their stories are heartbreaking.


**I can no longer copy/paste links into blogger! sorry for the long and messy links! have no idea what happened..and, since John is my computer guru and is out of town for the weekend, we'll have to live with it. :) **

anyway -12 of these boys still need to be sponsored for a 1 time gift of $25. If you can't afford $25, could you afford $5 or $10? any little bit you could help with would go towards giving these boys an actual Christmas....they will know they are loved and prayed for by people who don't even know them. Can you imagine what a gift that would be to children who have no-one to love on them???!!!!

The $$ for these boys needs to be received by this coming Friday, the 13th -so there is much urgency to get these boys sponsored.

please consider helping these precious boys out.

Operation Giggle is also partnering with New Day Foster Home in China! If you'd rather give to help get Christmas gifts to China, please consider donating to Operation Giggle's New Day drive. I believe there is a raffle going on for adorable gifts too. :)

and this is Duncan.

My dear friend Sarah is his Christmas Warrior thru Reece's Rainbow.
Sarah is trying to find a family for precious Duncan AND help to raise an adoption grant for him.

Please visit her site at: http://arewethereyetla5.blogspot.com/ to see the rules and specifications of her give-away to help find a family for Duncan AND to help raise an adoption grant for him.

Again, every little bit you could do -donate, tell others, whatever...is 1 step closer to Duncan finding a family instead of being put into a mental institution for the rest of his life.

IT'S ELIZABETH DAY!!

November 4, 2007 we walked into a business room in a hotel in Fujian, China.

With butterflies in my stomach and my heart in my throat, I walked off the elevator, turned the corner and saw my little girl standing with her traveling nanny/nurse at the couch.

The little girl God had placed in our hearts in November of 2005 when we began our process to China was now standing before us.

our first introduction

1st "family" photo

1 scared little girl whose world had just been rocked.


Fast forward 2 years and you have this.

1 happy little girl who is VERY proud to be from China, but who is also securely a part of our family and very happy to be here.

I never know if we should celebrate "Gotcha Day" -Nov. 4th, or Nov. 5th -the day we officially adopted her. This year it's today the 5th. :)

a couple pics of Ellie-bellie with her favorite friends in the whole-wide world. :)

This last year has been SO much better than the first. We are thriving as a family, not just surviving. I think alot of that is due to the fact we were able to identify Elizabeth's issues as attachment related and deal with them head-on.

We are making great strides with Elizabeth. Her episodes of insecurity are definitely fewer, shorter, and further in between than they used to be. Oh -for sure we still deal with stuff daily....but I finally feel like we're able to deal with them properly and thus help Elizabeth heal.


She has come a long way this year in just about everything.

She is best "buddies" with her brother and sister.

She doesn't just play with toys, but also play imaginative things.

She LOVES to draw, color and do crafty things.

Her English has exploded! She is speaking much better now. True, sometimes she is difficult to understand and she doesn't pronounce all her words correctly -but she is getting there.

She LOVES to be outside and we are finding is quite adept at sports related things..swimming and riding her bike are 2 things she has excelled at!

She LOVES to be held and snuggled. :)

Elizabeth -

sometimes the moments in China seems so far away ~ the moment I first saw you, the moment I held you and cried with you, the moment I noticed you asleep on my shoulder...and sometimes they seem like just yesterday.

sometimes I take a step back from our whole situation and am amazed at how scary those first few weeks with us must have been....but how brave you were to come to us and trust us.

sometimes I get frustrated that you still haven't come to the point of fully trusting us and our love for you...but then I am reminded of how much hurt and confusion and sadness you experienced before coming to us. it makes me so sad that even after 2 years, there is still a part of you that you keep at a distance from us.

Elizabeth, we love you.
We love ALL of you -your silly part, your sad part, your mad part, and your happy part. You can try to push us away, but we're not going anywhere! My hope and prayer is that sometime soon, you will be able to fully love us and let us fully love you.....that God will fully heal your heart.

I love you Ellie-bellie.

love -mommy

LOOK AT THIS MESS!

the above pics are just 1/2 of what we had for our gi-nour-mous garage sale on Saturday. :)

we had 10 tables and 2 clothing racks FULL of clothes, 80+ pairs of shoes, 10 boxes of videos and books, etc etc.

we are SO thankful to our friends and family for giving us stuff to sell!

our day was a HUGE success and we were able to sell about 2/3 of the stuff.

PRAISE GOD!

not only was our sale a huge success, but I LOVE that quite a bit of the leftovers are going to people who really could use it.

the books and videos were donated to a gal trying to raise $$ for her son to go on the mission field.

all the stuffed animals, blankets, shoes, and men's & women's clothing are going with John down to Mex*ico this weekend (he's going on a missions trip) and he is going to give them away.

all of the baby stuff -blankets, bibs, etc and most of the kids' clothes are being shipped to YWAM for them to take over to Ethiopia when the staff or other families travel. I told John last night as I folded clothes to ship, "wouldn't it be neat if our referral pic had our son in one of the outfits we're folding right now?!".


**I have a few more posts coming this week, hopefully! I still have pics of Andrew's b-day to get up and also a way you can help make a child's Christmas wonderful ~for just a few $$

so stay tuned!!**