BIRUK'S ADJUSTMENTS ~7MONTHS HOME ~really long post

word of warning -this is a really long post -I mainly wrote it all down so we have a reference point to see how far we've come...but also for other families who may be considering or in the middle of older child adoption.

I have 8 more posts coming over the next few days ~and they're all 90% photos..so much less reading will be involved!

This post has been a long time coming.

I've really hesitated posting this.

I want to be real and honest...but I also don't want people to think we're awful or unaware parents for saying some of the last 7 months has been really hard.


So here goes:
The first few months with Biruk were blissful....but we knew it couldn't and wouldn't last. He was on his best behavior ~doing EVERYTHING he could to please us. Although we loved that :) we also knew he needed to be real with us...his true personality needed to come through and it wasn't realistic nor good for him to be on his best behavior.

Around the end of the 2nd month is when the real adoption adjustments started happening...the newness of this situation wore off for all of us and we had to find our new normal.

I'm not going to lie...it hasn't been easy -for any of the 6 of us. We've ALL struggled trying to adjust to our new situation.

But it hasn't been horrific either ~I know of situations that are WAY worse than ours.

Struggle #1- Biruk has really struggled to figure how to fit into our family. Our world and our family operate so differently than what he was accustomed to in Ethiopia.

From what we have gathered over the last 7 months, he was accustomed to being the center of attention...the favored child...and with that "favorite" status came priviledges.

In our family there is no "favorite" child...all are loved and treated as equally and fairly as we can...privileges are given to each child as they earn them.

This has seemingly rocked Biruk's world. He has really struggled with not being the center of attention, but when he is or he earns a special privilege, he then tends to see himself as "the favored one" and begins to boss the others and try to parent them...which then means he is corrected for his behavior....which then confuses him and he desperately seeks attention any way he can get it...which leads to us paying attention to him.....can you see the cycle?

I know this sounds like a trivial problem, but rest assured, after 7 months of living this cycle ~it can be exhausting. :) and of course there is much more to it than what I explain here....but for Biruk's sake I won't be expounding.


John and I just try to be as consistent and loving as we possibly can...and realize that the main factor in breaking this cycle is TIME. Biruk just needs TIME to "get" how things are done/not done in our family.

He needs time to feel more and more secure here...and more secure in our love.

And we DO see improvements in this area...slowly but surely the insecure behaviors are getting less and less ~praise God!!


Struggle #2 -impact on the other kids -The struggles we've had with Biruk mean we're pouring (naturally!) alot of time into him....which does sometimes set off Elizabeth's attachment issues. *sigh* Thankfully, her healing is at a point where we can recognize the signs of her struggles early and try to nip her insecurities in the bud.

Part of what helps Elizabeth heal is special time with John and I (mostly me).

Lots of time with Biruk and Elizabeth mean much less time with Andrew and Becca.

They have been such troopers.

Can I just brag on those 2 for a second?! They have had to take a "sideline" roll so to speak for a long time now....when Elizabeth's issues were really bad ~we had little quality time with them...and then we adopted Biruk and his brother...and, well, as you know, things were CRAZY for quite awhile....and then we start to settle in and we start dealing with these adjustment issues with Biruk.

We knew we were shorting Andrew and Becca...but it was more knowing in the back of your mind...until a week or 2 ago when they both commented on how hard these past few months have been and how they've really missed John and I.

*SIGH*

and so, even if it triggers more insecurities in Biruk and Elizabeth, we NEED to be more deliberate in our time with Andrew and Becca. Thankfully, they understand why the last few months have been hard and they've been more than patient...but we don't want them to miss us anymore than they already do.


Struggle #3 -Hypervigilance -this is something I think many adopted children struggle with...I know Elizabeth struggled with this as well, in her own way.

Biruk has actually started getting better with this recently ~but from months 2-6.5, he has REALLY been hypervigilant.

What does hypervigilance look like?
He was/is acutely aware of EVERYTHING going on around him...and feels he needs to know about/be apart of everything going on.

some examples:
*he wants to know about/be apart of every conversation going on....if I'm talking with one of the other kids, Biruk will pick up on 1 or 2 words he recongizes and then interject into the conversation. He'll do this even when John and I are having conversations ~he could be several feet away but seems to have 1 ear on us~pick up on a word or phrase and then start asking questions.

at first we shook this off as him being inquisitive...but as time went on, we realized it wasn't so much about being inquisitive as it was trying to have a hand in everything going on. We have now started nipping this behavior as soon as we recognize it ~lovingly but firmly telling him "I'm not talking to you right now -I'm talking to daddy (or whomever it may be)" . Since taking this approach, his constant interjecting has definitely lessened.

*he constantly wants to know what is happening next during the day....and at night, he wants to know EXACTLY what we are doing the next day and the timing of it all. I know, for him, knowing what is coming next brings him comfort and stability and so most of the time I will tell him what is next/give him the run down of the next day.

BUT, on the advice of a wise friend, I have also started implementing this phrase, "honey, I'm not sure what we will do later/tomorrow, but you will be with me and I will keep you safe." I was SO hesitant to do this the first time ~thinking it wouldn't go so well....but Biruk actually smiled and a look of relief washed over his face.

I think he needed to hear he'd be with me and he'd be safe.

So I've started using that phrase more and more.

Struggle #4 -constant chatter/constant questioning - this is one of the more mentally exhausting behaviors. It's actually something we dealt with with Elizabeth early on in her attachment counseling. Talking non-stop is a way to hold onto the parent's attention when you're feeling insecure.

yes, there is an element to this where the child needs to be able to practice the new language and ask a bunch of questions...we totally understand that.

what I'm talking about is non-stop chatter....for example...if Biruk is struggling, we get a "play by play" of his activity -it goes something like this.

mom, I'm going to eat my peaches now.

mom, I'm eating my peaches.

mom, I've eaten 1 of my peaches, 3 more to go.
mom, I'm done with my peaches, I'm going to start eating my egg now.

mom, I've taken 1 bite of egg, I have 4 more bites left.

This example applies to anything he might do ~bike riding, getting dressed, coloring, you name it, we've probably had the play-by-play. :)

And although we think it's a good thing he wants to talk and practice this English, after 5-6 months of play-by-play, we've figured out there is more behind it than just needing to practice English...it's a way to keep us focused on him ~for whatever reason.

and so we're lovingly but consistently nipping this behavior too ~when we notice the constant, non-stop chatter we tell him he needs to be more quiet and we might try to re-direct him with some eye contact and a direct question. We know this constant chatter is an attempt to have our attention so we try to give it in a more positive way.

If this approach doesn't work we have to enforce no talking for a small amount of time by telling him to "give your voice a rest" or "give your mouth a hug" (placing his hand over his mouth and not talking ~usually lasts 15-30 seconds ~and it helps him get the message to stop talking).


the constant questioning is recognized when he will ask the same question several times in a very small period of time....OR question after question about things we know he knows about. I've started to call him on this, especially the asking the same question over and over. As we were counseled with Elizabeth, if he asks the same question more than once (sometimes I wait 'till after the 2nd time just to make certain we're dealing with the same question), we tell him "you've already asked this question. can you remember the answer I already gave?". 9 times out of 10 he knows the answer and the repeated questioning stops

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so I've just told you about the roughstuff we're going thru...let me tell you about some of the good stuff:

English -it really is amazing to think this boy has only been here for 7months. his English is GREAT. sure, it's not perfect and when he gets excited he can't communicate effectively...but considering he came to us with about 5 English words...and his English is probably better than Elizabeth's -I'd say that is a HUGE accomplishment!

School -he is doing really well in homeschooling. he seems to really thrive on the structure...and I love that I get to be the one teaching him and celebrating his successes. We did just have a set back when I realized he's been memorizing everything...every flashcard, every math fact, every everything. It's how they're taught in Ethiopia...you don't really learn, you memorize. He can't think for himself...he wants to be told the answers so he can memorize. It really is a testament to how truly bright he is ~he's been memorizing things for 3 months now!

so I've had to regroup and re-teach letters and sounds, re-teach how to do math, etc. It's been a difficult few weeks as this is totally new to Biruk ~thinking for himself and not memorizing ~but he's starting to get it and it's really exciting to watch him figure out he CAN do this!!

Play -for the first several months he didn't know what to do with himself when we had the kids "just play". I'd give him 2-3 options and even then, it was hard for him to decide AND he'd only play for 5 minutes or so.

This has improved GREATLY! I started implementing times throughout the day that the kids needed to play quietly -I'd even set the timer so there was a definitive end. I started out with just 10 minutes..I think we're up to about 20 now! AND, I've instituted "reading time"..and even though Biruk and Elizabeth can't read yet, they can find books to just look at ~but they must sit quietly for the allotted time.

This has done WONDERS for Biruk! He is much more able to "find something to do" when we, as a family, are not doing something structured.

Grieving/Healing -I realize we're just at the beginning stages of this, but I still think it's SO good that the grieving, and subsequent healing has already begun. As Biruk has felt more and more safe with us, he has opened up more and more about the good and bad that he experienced in Ethiopia. And with the bad, we're able comfort him, help him feel safe here, reassure him, etc.

Church/Bible -one of his favorite things all week is to go to Sunday School! It always has been. I LOVE that he loves church.

His family background was Ethiopian Orthodox....so at least he was exposed to some basic Christian doctrine, though Orthodox is very different than our Protestant/Reformed Theology. This background has really helped him as he is somewhat familiar with traditional Bible stories.

His prayers are so sweet and heartfelt. He really loves praying for the children we sponsor around the world...and maybe because he's lived through not enough food and not being safe ~his prayers tend to center on these 2 issues. And he prays SO earnestly for God to give "new families" to the children waiting. It's heart-warming and heart-breaking to listen to.

We are working, slowly, on Scripture memory. You'd think this would be easy given his propensity to memorize, but this has come more slowly for him...but that's OK. It WILL come and I love that he's just trying!

Food - Biruk's love of all food continues to amaze us and make us so thankful! He is now comfortable enough to tell me when he doesn't like something. But not liking something is extremely rare! He really enjoys Italian food!!

We do think he is dairy intolerant. We've been told many older Ethiopian kids are dairy intolerant..cow milk (and its derivatives) just isn't common there....so their systems have a hard time processing it. We are trying to feed him as close to a dairy free diet as possible..which is really hard considering we all LOVE dairy. :) And of course Biruk loves ice cream so this new dietary change isn't going over so well for him!

Behavior -He continues to be a sweet and very well behaved boy. When he does need correcting, he takes it to heart and tries to change immediately. We've been really impressed with his willingness to submit to our authority and his earnestness in trying to obey.


*************************************

If you've stayed with me to this point, thanks!

I'm glad I was able to post this, and hopefully it might help another family.

At the very least, it gives you a glimpse into our lives over the past 7 months. :)

HE MISSES ETHIOPIA

We are nearing the 6month mark of having Biruk.

I have a whole 'nother post swirling around in my head for the 6 Month Home post :)

but I wanted to document this day.

For the first 3 months home Biruk wanted nothing to do with Ethiopia ~he refused to speak Amharic, didn't want to have pics of his family up let alone even look at them in an album, didn't want to eat Ethiopian food, didn't want to play soccer, and didn't want to talk about life back in Ethiopia.

Around the 3month mark he started talking a little bit about memories he had ...they were scary, yucky memories...no wonder he didn't really want to talk about them.

About a month ago he said he'd eat injera again...and that maybe he missed doro wat. :)

About 2 weeks ago he got out his pictures of his family and he told us about everyone. Some more scary memories were revealed. *sigh*

Today something triggered him....I pulled him into our bedroom and just held and rocked him on our bed as he sobbed and sobbed.

He's been trying to be such a strong boy.

but today, thru his tears, he nodded his head when I asked him "sweetie, do you miss Ethiopia?" "do you miss your first mommy? do you miss your grandma?"

From the very first day home we've tried to make certain he knew it was OK to grieve...it was OK to miss his family and friends back there....today he finally felt comfortable to admit his heart ache.

and my heart aches for him.

I have a feeling this is only the tip of the iceberg as he now feels safe enough to grieve. We can't imagine how hard it must have been to leave his family (it is very clear he was deeply loved and probably even spoiled a bit!)....to trust us and just come with us to this new world, new family, new experiences.....

he is one brave little boy....who is working thru his grief and adjusting to his new life.

ETHIOPIA -HERE WE COME!

as you can see -we're packed and ready to go ~you can even see the scale on the left...been weighing and re-weighing each bag to maximize space and get as close to 50 pounds as humanly possible!

we're checking 5 bags -1 over the limit that will most likely come at a hefty price...please pray the airlines have mercy on us and waive the fee. 90% of what is in our checked bags are donations for the people in Ethiopia. All of mine and John's clothes and 1/2 of the boys' are in the 2 small carry-on duffels you see on the right. Those carry-ons are right at their weight limit too!

SO-the airline we're taking is slowly ramping up operations and the flights we need to take on Friday and Saturday look to be fully operational today..so hoping and praying they stay that way!

In case you're wondering :)...our itinerary is as follows:

Friday -leave home EARLY AM

Saturday -arrive in Ethiopia in the evening

Sunday -rest in the morning and visit Kolfe Boys Orphanage in the afternoon

everyone often forgets the older children that are orphans. When most people think of adoption, they want a baby or toddler....the older children are often referred to as "the forgotten". There is a ministry we are involved in with Kolfe...the gist is that we are a penpal family to a young man there. He has never known a family -being placed in an orphanage as a baby. There are over 130 boys/young men at Kolfe....and we are beyond excited to go meet these boys and spend time with them -if only for an afternoon! If you want more info on Kolfe -just Go*ogle it ~Tom D*avis of Children's Hope*Chest is just now starting to get involved there too!

Monday -we meet Eyob and Biruk!! Not entirely sure what our day entails, but I know there is some paperwork and hopefully, a sweet fun time with our new sons.

Tuesday -Embassy Day


Wednesday -looks like a full day for us ~a party at the Thomas Center (where our boys have been for roughly 8 weeks) and traditional Ethiopian dinner!


Thursday thru Saturday -we should get the boys visas on Thursday...we have opted to stay an extra few days in Ethiopia in order to meet the boys' family, shop, and spend time with some of the ministries YWAM is involved with over there.

Saturday -leave Ethiopia for the US

Sunday -arrive home in the early evening....FINALLY a family of 7!

We ask for continued prayers for the flights, for our safety and health, for our bonding time with the boys....and for my parents as they are graciously watching the 3 we leave here at home.

as for blogging ....we're told internet is sketchy at best over there..SO, I have asked my nieces and nephew to keep this blog up to date if they can. We are intending to call home to my parents as often as possible~so they will pass the info along to my nieces and nephew so they can blog. :)

We would love comments on the posts so one day I can print them out for the boys and they can see how many friends and family followed along on our journey to them!!

Thanks for hanging in there with this long post...and for everyone's prayers and support on this adoption journey!!!

QUICK UPDATE~UPDATE PRAYER REQUEST

I wanted to give a really quick update while I had a few minutes

Thank you ALL so much for your prayers. Elizabeth was better by Wednesday...but Wednesday afternoon Becca started running a fever. Becca fought a 103 fever all day Thursday but woke up totally fine Friday morning. PRAISE GOD!!!

So far John, Andrew, nor I have come down with anything ~again, praising God!!

Wednesday afternoon we received a call from our agency -the US Embassy allowed our agency rep in Ethiopia to return and turn in our adoption paperwork (and that of 7 other families). On Thursday we were given a verbal "you're approved for April 27th".

we're cautiously excited!

Our agency needs it in writing before they can give us the official approval to go.

We're hoping that comes on Monday.

BUT ~there is now another complication.

Anyone heard of the volcano erupting in Iceland? Well it's shutting down airports in Europe. Guess where we need to fly as a stop-over to get down to Ethiopia?

YEP

Europe.

SO...even though we may be given the green light to go get our boys we still may not be able to travel due to the volcano ash.

Please pray the plume of ash either dissipates, goes somewhere else, clears enough for airports to open up.....whatever it needs to do so Europe can open back up. Selfishly, I really want to just go! BUT again, I know God is in control and if He uses a volcano in Iceland to cause us to wait, then I trust in His timing.

GOAL!

Look what I found yesterday at a garage sale in our neighborhood?!

Andrew, Becca, and Elizabeth are excited to have the "real" soccer goal in their backyard BUT, I cannot wait to see Eyob and Biruk's face! Soccer is HUGE in Ethiopia and I just love how God provided something so small...like a used soccer goal (for $5!!)....to hopefully help ease the adjustment to their life with us.

Command Central

it looks quite disorganized doesn't it?!
Actually it's not -on the bed are the boys' clothes -washed and ready to be packed...the laundry basket in the foreground is full of snacks and meds we're taking over...

AND
the 2 tubs and duffel are already packed to their weight limit -
you're looking at 150 pounds of donations going over with us -clothes, formula, vitamins, etc.

We will still have almost a whole 'nother suitcase of donations to pack -then hopefully our measely items will fit in our 2 carry-ons and a checked bag!

EASTER PICS

First of all, can I just say I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that in 3 weeks we'll be IN Ethiopia and will have had our boys for 2 days by now?!

crazy to think about!!

yesterday I reserved our guest house, we have plane tix on hold, and 1 bag of donations is already packed.




Now -on to our Easter pics. :)

It was a gorgeous Easter Sunday -mid 80's, sunshine, church, family...throw in an earthquake in the afternoon (we didn't feel it cuz we were driving, but our pool felt the quake as the water was sloshing all around!)...and it was a perfect day to celebrate Christ's resurrection!!

we're gonna have to get a wide angled lens to be able to get ALL the cousins in next year!

this is the best pic -can you see Jameson in the middle?! He was crying SO hard poor guy! But makes the pics funny as everyone else is smiling. :)

the big kids hide the eggs and the littles get to hunt for them

then, as is tradition for Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day -my parents set up the water toys and the kids PLAY!

This year was a slip * and *slide, water guns, and some big ball you fill up with water and as it rolls around acts like a sprinkler. :)

Jameson is getting in on the water gun action!

another tradition is for the big kids to run onto the slip/slide and grandpa or John will throw a football to them to catch while sliding.

Jordan caught this one!

I have more posts swirling around in my head...but need time to get them onto the computer! Time is a precious commodity these days as I try to keep up with regular life AND prepare to travel to the other side of the world to get our sons!

PRAISING GOD-SIGHS OF RELIEF

We are praising God for 2 "sighs of relief" today.

1. Just today Ethiopia instituted a new rule for adoptive familes -effective immediately. Both adoptive parents must appear before the judge on the given court date.

Families that have appointments next week will be required to show up or have their date post-poned.

We feel so protected that our case was heard and approved last week...and finalized Monday.



2. We just received the "report" from an appointment Elizabeth had about a month ago.
We spent about an hour having various doctors look at and evaluate her -figuring out when to start her surgeries. Her first surgery will be Jaw Distraction. Her surgeon speculated we may need to start the surgeries (she has at least 8 ahead of her between jaw and ear) this coming Fall.

The report states they want to wait 12 months and then re-evaluate at that point. Mainly, the wait is because she is still so tiny!

Praising God for this delay. I know she needs the surgeries...but we were worried that having surgery so soon after having her brothers come home might be really tough on her.

We are feeling awfully blessed this evening!

HERE THEY ARE!

**3/9/10 -just edited the photo so you can see the smile that captured my heart 4 months ago..i'll have to find a photo of Bruk for me to crop so you can see his precious smile too : ) **

we just received a call from our agency...the adoption has been completely finalized, the boys are legally ours, and she said to "feel free" to post their pic....so I am. :)

here are our handsome boys!!

Eyob is the older one and Bruk is the younger.

Our YWAM director is in Ethiopia right now and will be getting their sizes for us (over the summer Eyob was only 3 inches shorter than me!!) and asking them about their names. If they'd like to keep their Ethiopian names, that is fine with us...if they'd like to have Amercian names, we can do that too. :) Being that they are older, we want them to have a part in that decision.

but for now, they are Eyob and Bruk to us!

WE PASSED!!

just heard from our YWAM director and our case passed court!

the boys are ours.

we have 2 new sons.

for a few reasons we have been asked to hold off on posting their pics here.
(I'm assuming I can't share their names quite yet either...so just be patient!)

I'M SO BUMMED ABOUT THAT!!

I SO want to share my boys with y'all....but just trust me that they're precious. :)

We have been told to prepare for a late April trip to Ethiopia...that's just ~7 weeks away.

YIKES!

please continue to pray for us and them as we all prepare to blend together as a family of 7...and for their family there in Ethiopia as they prepare to say goodbye to these sweet boys.

I'M GOING CRAZY

no news yet.

my stomach is in knots.

it was in knots all day yesterday...ironic since I told a dear friend of mine "oh -I'll be fine" ~guess I was wrong. :)

we're hoping to hear by the end of the day if court actually happened in Ethiopia while we slept...and if it did, did we pass.

of course our computer got a TERRBILE virus last night and John has already spent hours trying to fix it.....we have a letter to send to the boys on that computer and it needs to be sent out TODAY to go with our agency director cuz she's leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow. and of course their pics are on that computer too so I can't post them if we do pass court! UGH!!!

hoping I can update soon!!

MARCH 5TH BABY!

about 2 hours ago I received a VERY unexpected phone call from our adoption agency rep.

it had been a rough morning for me...just lots of little things bringing me to the verge of tears

what our agency rep said made me cry the ugly cry and I'm sure she thought I was crazy....

she had just been given word that we have a court date for our boys.

MARCH 5TH.

as in NEXT FRIDAY.


This is HIGHLY unusual...to get a court date so soon. We were told to expect a court date 6-8 weeks out from the date it's given to us.


Please pray for us....that if it's the Lord's will, the boys' case will PASS court on the 5th. It isn't unusual to have your case delayed for numerous reasons.

Please pray for the family living with us. This unexpected news means they cannot stay with us as long as we had originally told them. We will need them to move 0ut within a few weeks, not months. Please pray that we found them housing VERY soon...AND affordable furniture (at least beds!).


I am simply stunned today. Stunned at God's goodness to give us this court date. Stunned that in 12 days I may be able to share my precious boys' pictures and be able to officially call them OUR sons!

GETTING READY & GOOD NEWS!

the "kids' room" closet -now with Large and X-Large clothing.

a bit surreal to see "E's" things hanging and on the shelf.

Didn't think we'd be seeing that size clothing in our house for another 3-5 years! :)

**don't worry -the closet hasn't been completely cleaned out. The craft boxes above, the pack-n-play, and the girls' Easter dresses will be moved out before the boys come home!**

over the Christmas break we started re-arranging the office/spare bedroom and the "school room". We still have some re-arranging to do but the school room is now the "kids room" -it will hold the kids' toys and all of their books along with "E's" clothes so that he can have privacy to change. We also moved the spare bed in here for now so that when "E" comes home he can sleep in here if he wants to get away from his 2 6yr old brothers. :)

**in case I didn't mention it, all 3 boys will share the same room for the first 6-12 months to help the boys adjust ..then if "E" wants his own room we'll move things around again**



now-for our good news.

the boys know about us!

last night we received updated pictures of them ~receiving our care packages!!

It's surreal to think they are looking at pictures of us -just like we're looking at pictures of them!

Please keep them in your prayers... they have some VERY big adjustments coming in the next weeks and months.

**for the record..this is our 3rd set of pics of the boys already! I cannot emphasize enough how absolutely WONDERFUL working with YWAM's Adoption Ministry has been. If you are AT ALL contemplating adopting from Ethiopia, PLEASE consider using them**

OUR NEWS~THE FULL SECRET REVEALED

I'm sorry to have dragged this out so long...I didn't expect so many people to participate -but I also wanted to wait until after our pediatrician had reviewed their files to make the final announcement.

We have just signed the referral acceptance for 2 brothers in Ethiopia.

They are 5 1/2 and 12 1/2 years old.

Andrew is getting "a brother just like me and an older brother". :)

Due to restrictions, we can't post pictures or give too many details until we pass court in Ethiopia (which will hopefully be sometime in March)...but suffice it to say they are handsome. :) I can't even use their full names here on the blog so I'll use their first initials. :)

In one of the earlier posts I mentioned once I went back and read their bios on the waiting child site I thought "how could I have missed this?!". That night in November, when I has asked our director if they had any older children paper-ready...I was specifically thinking we could adopt a baby/toddler boy or girl and then maybe a boy between the ages of 4 -6.

That was what I was thinking. God knew otherwise. :)

The director mentioned that since YWAM was opening up 3 new orphan homes, she was sure an older boy in that age range would become available sometime soon...but the only boy they currently had paper-ready between 4 and 6 was little "B", but he had an older brother.

I read the post about them on the Waiting Child list again that night anyway. I had read it a few times before and I had prayed over the boys because they had been on the list for quite some time....I remember thinking "they sound like amazing boys." I had prayed God would lay them on a family's heart.

Guess I was praying for us!

I remember VERY clearly that night reading their bio again...and weeping. The bio on "B" the 5 yr old could have been written about Andrew. Of course it's a very basic bio...but I was surprised that I had missed that before.

Then I read the bio on our 12 yr old, "E". That's when the tears really started to fall. It described what he liked to do and what he wanted to be when he grew up. I remember thinking "John would be the perfect father for this young man".

I immediately emailed John at work, cuz he was asleep in the next room and I wanted him to see this first thing in the morning!

We talked the next day and we agreed to pray on it.

I think I knew that first night that we were to adopt these boys...but I didn't want our decision to be based on emotions.

so we prayed.

we naturally had some concerns with adopting boys this age. God knew this so He had already prepared the way......we were able to speak to 3 different people who had spent time with the boys.

then we prayed some more.

The more we prayed, the more we knew we were to pursue E and B.

In later posts I'll probably go into more details and tell you more about them and our decision...but I'll stop for now. :)

Suffice it to say Andrew is pretty excited to be getting 2 brothers. Becca is on-board too and fully is aware that we are not bringing a baby home this time and VERY Ok with it. Elizabeth doesn't really understand what is happening but does know about the boys and will tell you she is getting brothers. :)


Please pray for us, that we would be prepared to bring these boys home....and that the boys would be comforted through all of the major transitions that are about to happen.

LAST HINT

ANDREW'S PRAYER

Within days of bringing Elizabeth home, Andrew started praying for a younger brother.

We thought it was a phase.

It wasn't.

His prayer then expanded to "a younger brother and a brother just like me".

Then it expanded further to where he has been praying for at least 18months for "a younger brother, a brother just like me, and an older brother".

We always chuckled and told him "buddy -we can only do 1 at a time"...and he'd answer something along the lines of "I know, but I still want 3 brothers".

Andrew is getting 2 of his 3 prayers answered. :)

which 2 do you think it is?


I'm hoping to have time to at least give the basic details Tuesday evening -we meet with the pediatrician Tuesday around lunch and because the medical information is very basic I highly doubt there will be any cause for concern....but tomorrow is also our anniversary so John might prefer I spend time with him rather than the computer. :) At the latest, I'll update Wednesday morning. :)

TWO MORE HINTS

1) Right before Christmas I posted about our stockings HERE . Only 1 friend picked up on the hint I gave even back then!

2) This weekend John and I are traveling to Spokane for a "working weekend getaway". We'll be attending THIS conference.

PART 1 OF OUR SECRET REVEALED

as y'all have guessed...we have been given a referral!!

I mentioned in the last post we've been praying over this referral for 2 months now -since the 2nd week of November.

One night in early November I had emailed and asked our agency director about the children they had paper-ready (since I knew our paperwork would be done soon too) and she referred me to a specific post on the waiting child list....which I had looked at plenty of times before that night but never really considered our referral. I clearly remember reading the information that night our director mentioned it and thinking "how did I miss this for so long?! this seems like a perfect fit for our family."

John and I started praying....and talking...and praying.

It really didn't take long to realize this referral was what God intended for our family.

Now....for part two of our secret. :)

the details.

I'll post a few more hints in the next 2-3 days.

HINTS

there are two parts to our secret news.

the first part would be the news itself ~which is probably fairly easy to guess. :)

the second part of the secret are the details involved.

we've been praying over this secret for nearly two months now...yes, for two months. at first, the details even caught us off-guard...but the more we prayed, the more excited we have become.

and the more in awe of God I am.

I look back over the years and see how He has placed certain people and events and decisions into our lives to prepare us for this opportunity.

any guesses out there?!

GOOD NEWS!

We have confirmation our dossier is on its way to Ethiopia as I type.

yipppppppeeeeeeee!!!!

this news is related to our secret :) -but not really the secret.

I'll try to give more hints of the secret in the next few days....but we do have our anniversary next week and a little trip planned for next weekend -though technically the trip IS related to our secret too....so you'll just have to stay tuned.

Oh -and no-it's not a puppy or any other furry thing joining our family. :)

OUR ROLLER COASTER WEEK RECAP-BULLETS AND PICTURES

Here is a quick recap of last week. I figured the easiest way to blog about our very full week was to do bullets and pictures. Enjoy!

*Monday -We had Elizabeth's attachment therapy appointment. With John and I at various stages of sickness over the past 2 weeks, Christmas prep, and finishing up our adoption paperwork, Elizabeth has been struggling some with insecurity. It hasn't been overwhelming -just makes our days a bit more difficult AND thankfully, not nearly as difficult as they were before we started attachment therapy.

The appointment didn't go well. 1/2 way through the appointment our counselor tried something with Elizabeth that triggered an unexpected response and subsequently a REALLY hard day for Elizabeth and I. Without going into detail, we're glad Elizabeth reacted the way she did so that we now know there is more to her recovery than just attachment.

Tears were just under the surface for me the entire week. Sometimes I would just look at Elizabeth and leave the room so she wouldn't see me crying.

It is extremely difficult to NOT KNOW what happened to your child before they were put in your arms. We are trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together for her...but it will never be complete. And that is hard for me as a mom.

*Wednesday -we had 2 of our nieces spend the night!

Joanna is on the right. She and Becca are like 2 peas in a pod even though Joanna is just 2 weeks younger than Elizabeth. I didn't get a picture of Julia -but that is probably because she was either busy playing with Andrew OR busy helping me out. She is just the sweetest girl!!!

*Wednesday we also received our final piece of adoption paperwork in the mail.

YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*Thursday we got that piece of paper notarized!

*Friday -FIELD TRIP DAY!!

the kids and I drove downtown to our State Capitol to have our adoption paperwork "state sealed". It's the 2nd to last step in this process.

***********not only were we able to get our dossier State Sealed in a matter of minutes, we walked across the street to Vital Records to check on Elizabeth's US birth certificate. It was ready 3 mo. ago, but they didn't type her Chinese middle name correctly -so the paperwork had to be completely re-done and process thru the courts. UGH. BUT.....it was correct on Friday!!************

My little girl has a REAL birth certificate that lists US as her mommy and daddy!!!

LOVE IT!

we had a celebratory lunch at Carl's * Jr. :)

**Still Friday -we raced home after lunch, I made a bunch of copies of our paperwork and then we raced to Fed*Ex to send our dossier on to the Assistant Stork! They will walk our dossier through the State Deparment and Ethiopian Embassy in Washington*DC for us then send it to our agency.

My hope is that our agency will receive it the week after Christmas, and send it to Ethiopia the first week of January. Praying it happens!!!

the kids were going to go in with me so I could get the official picture, but Miss Elizabeth fell asleep -so John (who met us there) stayed with them while I went in. Andrew is holding the file with 3 1/2 mo of papework!!

this is what I found when I returned...the kids jumping around in the trailer and John drinking a chocolate milk shake. :)


*Saturday -Walk Through Bethlehem

A town about 25 minutes south of us had a church doing a Walk Through Bethlehem...so we loaded up the kids and headed out with some friends.

Roman solider standing guard at the gate to Bethlehem

it was basically a big round area blocked off with "walls" and it was set up as a marketplace with several booths with things the kids could do.

the kids making olive oil with an olive press

making a "salvation" bracelet

the food market

they had oranges cut up for anyone to partake in.

do you see what's right underneath the oranges on the board?

Andrew asked if he could have one of the carrots! the woman was surprised but chopped off the end and handed him his carrot. :) He gnawed on it ALL the way home -and finished it off before we actually got home. what 6 yr old boy asks to snack on carrots?!

sorting thru cotton -picking the seeds out then putting the "clean" cotton into the crushed seeds to die it red

making unleavened bread

outside the "city" was a stable set up with of course, Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus


It was a roller coaster week for me emotionally -incredible lows as we dealt with a new development in Elizabeth's therapy and recover -to incredible highs as we finished our part of our Ethiopian paperwork AND received Elizabeth's proper birth certificate!!

I'm so glad we rounded out the week not only a high note, but "walking through Bethlehem" and remembering the humble beginnings of our Savior.

IF YOU GUESSED.....

that we're adopting a young boy from Ethiopia, you'd be correct. :)


We are most of the way thru our portion of the paperwork and are waiting on the Dept. of Hom*l*land Sec*urity to process our I600a ("orphan" visa), then our paperwork can go to DC for authentication, then on to Ethiopia.

We are hoping our paperwork is in Ethiopia by December...Christm*as at the latest.

We are using YWAM's Ethiopian Adoption Ministry ( http://www.ywamethiopia.com/ cuz I couldn't get my copy/paste to work on this post!). Their blog is http://www.thatwemightbeadopted.blogspot.com/ -they have a really neat 3 minute video right at the top of the blog, showing the work they are doing for the widows and orphans of Ethiopia.

We've already fielded alot of questions about:another adoption? why Ethiopia and not China again? have you thought about how this will impact Elizabeth?

So let me answer a few of those now. :)

*yes, another adoption and no, we didn't just wake up one day and say "hey let's adopt again". :) We have been praying over this decision consistenly for over a year now.

*Ethiopia instead of China was a tougher decision than some might think. We truly believe this is the Lord's leading and it did take awhile for me to let go of MY wanting Elizabeth to have a sibling that looks like her. When we made the decision to start another adoption, we fully thought we were heading back to China for a boy....then thru a series of circumstances, God halted that path and continued to put Africa on our hearts. We started researching various African adoption programs and felt that the Ethiopian one fit us the best.

I do still want Elizabeth to have a sibling that looks like her. She seems to struggle enough with things, I don't want her to feel "different" in our family...so we'll just have to see how the Lord handles that one.

*have we thought of how this will impact Elizabeth? YES. She is one of the main reasons we didn't start this 2nd adoption sooner. We wanted to make certain we were on our way with attachment counseling, that she was getting better, and that we felt she could handle a sibling.

let's face it, any child is going to have some adjustments to make when a sibling is added -that's just life. With Elizabeth, we are accutely aware of how this will affect her, that this will probably set our attachment work back a little bit.....BUT we also have 9-12 months before a sibling is added.....9-12 months to continue to help her heal and give her tools to better deal with her insecurities...we also are going to be heightened to her cues of insecurity when the new son/brother comes home and will hopefully be able to act upon those cues so as to minimize her insecurity.



For those familiar with the China process, the Ethiopian one is a bit different. We still do our paperwork and submit it to the country and then receive a referral. From here, the process is a bit different. The simplified version is: Once we have been matched with a child, our paperwork will go to court where the child will become legally ours....then we get an Embassy appt and travel to Ethiopia to meet our child, go thru the Embassy process, then bring him home.

We will have medical information and pictures of our boy, but we can not post them publically until we have passed thru court, because he will not legally be ours. So, I will post when we get a referral but no pics...isn't that a bummer?! But as soon as we pass court you can bet your bippy a big ole pic will be on the blog. :)

The kids are all very excited, Andrew especially. Since Elizabeth came home, Andrew has been praying for a younger brother, then he added in to the prayer "an older brother too" and now his pray is "a younger brother, an older brother, and a brother my same age". :) He may have to wait awhile to get ALL of those requests, but we love how consistent he has been in praying...for nearly 2 years.

Thanks for hanging on for this long post, but wanted to get all the info in 1 instead of having to do 2 or 3!

We'd appreciate your prayers as we go down this road again. For the Lord to prepare us and ready us for a new child and sibling...and for our boy in Ethiopia -for God to comfort his little heart and prepare it for the huge change he has coming.