WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

So, today the girls started a little 30 minute, 4 week gymnastics class at our local city community center.

When we walked in, the "coach" handed me a paper with his "philosophy" statement. He doesn't force kids to do things, lets them explore...got that.....he feels that thru being a good example himself, the children will follow..ok...he doesn't change bad behavior unless it is hurting another child.

1st red flag.

We do not allow bad behavior to continue in our household. it is corrected, usually gently, as soon as we see it.

ok-whatever...let's get the class on. maybe things won't be as bad as I'm getting the feeling they may be.

he's very good with kids so I give him credit for that. but he kept making snide comments about the funny things the kids did, kinda like to make us parents think he was funny..hard to explain. but it was irritating. anyway....

not long into the class, he was explaining something and Elizabeth and another little boy got up and the other mom and I, both at the same time, said "uh oh! go sit down!"...very gently-not like either of us yelled or anything.

"coach" makes a comment, loud enough for us to hear, something along the lines of "I wish parents would let me run my class and stay out of it".

2nd red flag

"coach" had set up this circuit type thing for the kids...crawl thru a tube, jump on a trampoline, roll down a mat, walk on a balance beam, etc. They did this for a good 10 minutes.

not long after the circuit started, I could tell Elizabeth was not listening and obeying. she was cutting in line, jumping on the trampoline forever and wouldn't even get off when the "coach" asked her to, etc.

the "coach" would, in a sing song type voice just say "now Elizabeth, you need to take turns, you can't just cut in front of kids like that"..she'd look at him and do it anyway. and then he'd let her. ugh. then he'd just say to the kid she cut in front of "I'm sorry she did that, thank you for being patient"

and when she, several times, wouldn't get off the trampoline -he would, in the same, almost condescending tone, say "now Elizabeth, so and so has been waiting a long time to jump..it's time for you to get off"...she'd just smile and keep on jumping.

3rd red flag.

I was getting irritated...at both Elizabeth and the teacher.

Finally, Elizabeth got somewhat close to me and I motioned for her to come to me and I just said "now make sure you obey your teacher..you do what he says". gave her a hug and pat on the buns and sent her off to play again.

but then, after each thing, she'd look to me to see if it was OK.

so the "coach", loud enough for me to hear, said "that's why I'm the coach, you kids need to know that I'm in charge. I wish your parents would stay out of it".

red flag #4.

Now I'm getting pretty hot. I have a temper and this guy was really getting to me.

At the end of class I approached him calmly and said "Elizabeth still has limited English. when you give her lengthy directions, she doesn't follow you and just ignores you....it might be helpful to keep that in mind".

coach, with a smug smirk on his face : "mom, she understands much more than you give her credit for."

argh. I'm not a parent making excuses for my child. I can't stand parents like that. I'm just trying to tell you the best way to "get thru" to her. let me try again.....

me: "well, it's also best to be a bit more firm with her. she responds best to gentle, yet firm direction"

coach -this time with the same smug smirk but not looking at me..talking to the other moms "I wish parents would understand I know kids better than they do. After all, I've been at this for 37 years...I think I know what I'm doing. My methods do work".

OK......let me stop here. I HATE being talked to or about as if I'm not in the room. that really ticks me off. and secondly....I hate being talked down to. Condescending people really annoy me. and thirdly -don't...let me repeat..DO NOT tell me you know children, specifically MY CHILD, better than I do.

At this point I let my temper get the best of me and abruptly told the kids to gather their things, we were leaving. The kids asked when they were coming back, and I said loud enough for the "coach" to hear.."I don't think we'll be coming back. This teacher is disrespectful of mommy".

that was terrible of me to do. I acknowledge that. my sin nature unfortunately shining through.

I went to the front desk and told them I wanted to withdraw my girls-that the teacher had been rude and disrespectful to me. I had paid $6/girl to register them..and then $20 each girl I paid to the "coach" before class today. All the city could refund me was $12. If I wanted the $40 back, I'd have to talk to him.

Great! just great.

He was just starting another 30 minute class...so now I had to figure out what I wanted to do.


So.........what would you have done?



Here's what I did:

I called John. He is a godly man and tends to not be as emotional as me. :) He agreed that this guy was disrespectful and out of line...but that I just coudn't go back in and ask for my $ back if I was going to emotional about it. I'd have to go in, present my case..not attacking him for being condescending and such...but telling him that HE does not know Elizabeth better than us. That we are her parents and therefore know her best and we know what works best for her. Elizabeth has some pretty heavy baggage we're dealing with..and so consistency is absolutely the best thing for her right now. We NEED to have teachers and coaches work with us, not against us.

I got off the phone with him and prayed..and prayed. I was on the verge of tears. When I get really angry, I either let the anger fly..or break down and cry.

when I knew the 2nd class was over, I led the kids back to the classroom. I felt sick. and weak.

I waited for the other class to leave and I approached him.

The first thing I did was apologize to him for my temper and behavior. My response to him was uncalled for. I think it took him by surprise. :)

He apologized to me and acknowledged he should have handled the situation differently.

As I began to tell him my carefully planned "speech", I started to cry. UGH! I hate doing that! The emotion overcame me. and my planned speech went out the window.

Basically I told him that we are dealing with some pretty deep issues concerning Elizabeth and that we needed people in her life that were going to support us, not be against us. That what she desperately needs right now is gentle, but firm directions. She absolutely cannot be left to uncorrected bad behavior. I told him I knew this was against his philosophy, but it was what was best for my daughter. Did he think it was possible to help us, to work with us for Elizabeth's sake?

He said he'd try.

That's all I can ask right?

I thanked him for his time...and as I was walking out the door he thanked me again for apologizing. "that must have been hard to do-I appreciate it".

I thank God it never even had to come to the point of me asking for $ back. and that all along, He had whispered "you need to apologize first". I KNEW that's what I needed to do..but it wasn't easy. :)

Let's see how the next 3 weeks go. hopefully better than today.