SOME HELPFUL THINGS

We've just come thru another fairly rough week with Elizabeth AND just had our 2nd attachment assessment/counseling appointment. I feel like I have lots of things floating around in my mind...things I want to share with y'all, but I'm running short on time tonight!

For a couple weeks now I've wanted to share a couple links with y'all.

The first is this blog The Mouro Family .

this blog has been so very helpful for me/us as we sorted thru Elizabeth's behaviors and how to address them...even before we started counseling.

If you go to their blog and look on the "labels" to the left -look for Attachment Issues...or you could just scroll thru her whole blog. :) Laura has learned so much as she has allowed God to direct their parenting of Ruthie/Abbie and navigate the scary world of attachment issues.

She really does a great job of explaining how to not battle these kids when they're trying to get you to battle. It has certainly helped John and I to understand it better.

If you are an adoptive parent, I highly recommend you at least skim thru The Mouro Family blog. Even if your child isn't dealing with attachment issues right now, they may in the future and just having some of this info in the back of your mind would be SO helpful!

The second link I wanted to post for you is this one. Glimmers of Joy and Signs of Hope . This is actually a post from my friend Carrie's blog. Carrie was our first family advocate at the agency we used to bring Elizabeth home. Not long after we were referred Elizabeth, Carrie and her hubby Jacob left the US to serve the Chinese people. They are currently serving in a foster home for special needs orphans. I read this post back when she first wrote it and thought -it's so dead on! And then Carrie reminded me of it a few weeks ago when I first started blogging about our attachment struggles with Elizabeth.

Anyone -adoptive parent or not -should read Carrie's blog. :) But especially the post I'm referencing. I think it's such a great perspective of adoption...and the sadness that is in these children's hearts.

Ok-that's it for tonight. Stay tuned for more attachment stuff later. :) It's been a rough week, but we're learning alot...about ourselves, about Elizabeth and what may be triggering her, how to recognize her insecurities building, how to try to make her feel more secure.

BELATED FATHER'S DAY

the 4 most important people in my life! :)


while making b'fast Sunday before church, this is what John and I saw. :)
the 2 of them hanging out and giggling together...VERY rare these days as Elizabeth has found just about ALL of Andrew's buttons and takes much joy in pushing them...and Andrew has had a very short fuse with her lately....so to see them hanging together was definitely photo-worthy!



after church, as is now customary, the whole gang popped over to our place for a BBQ and swim.
Our house is smack dab in between my parents' and my sisters', so it's just convenient to meet up here...but my sisters' pool will be done soon so I have a feeling we'll have some parties over there in the near future too!

if you can blow this pic up, you have to! Jeremiah's expression is hilarious...he looks like he's thinking "this is the craziest family ever..I can't believe I'm sitting here in this dumb floating thingy!"

my brother-in-law taking Joanna for a swim. :)

after swimming and BBQ, we had grandpa open presents.

I snapped the above photo of Joanna and Andrew cuz it's so unusual to see Andrew without Jacklyn! They are only 9months apart and are like peas in a pod...but for some reason, Andrew and JoJo were buddies this afternoon.

Grandpa opening up his gift from the grandkids..a new flag, some n*tter butters and a bag of
sn!ckers. :)


after the gang left, we took the kids back out swimming.

when my dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house, he found his old boogie board and brought it home.....this is what the kids are on!

my little surfers!

these 2 pics crack me up -Becca can talk Andrew into doing most anything for her. :)
here, she has talked Andrew into pulling her around the pool while she's in/on the air mattress.
as he pulled her around, she sang silly songs and had us all laughing so hard!

and when daddy swims with the kids, the girls almost ALWAYS

ask for him to throw them around....so I video'd them on Sunday. :)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE-THE PROPER WAY TO ACT ON AN AIRPLANE!

I feel like my blog has been a bit "heavy" lately as I've blogged about Elizabeth's attachment issues. I thought it was time for a more light-hearted, yet informative post. :)


ok-I think it's safe to say that most of y'all know I'm a flight attendant for an amazing airline. :) S*uthw*st Airlines is, in my opinion, one of the best...if not THE best airline out there.

I have been at SWA for over 10 years now-hard to believe. My first 5 years, I flew ALOT. 4-5 days a week, sometimes more....for those out there who say "big deal! I go to work 5 days a week"..keep in mind..your pilots and flight attendants do not get to come home at the end of their days. Most of the time, we are on the road for 3 days at a time. You get used to it, but it's a different lifestyle.

When we had Andrew, we debated about me quitting, but decided to stick it out....flight attendants have some amazing perks...one of them is getting to make our schedules....so since we had Andrew, I give away the majority of my schedule and only fly once a month. It's SUCH a blessing!!

I wrote this while on the road...and every time I go fly I think, I really need to blog about how you can make flying easier on you AND on your crew!

So here are a few things to remember when you get on an airplane:

*remember your manners!!!!!!!!!!!! Please and Thank-you and Excuse me go a really long way!! A REALLY LONG WAY.

*Please do not demand things of us flight attendants, ie: "gimme another C*oke." again, please goes a long way!

*Please do not talk to us with your mouths full of food...I cannot tell you how many times people have inadventently spit peanuts on me while trying to tell me what they want to drink. I'd rather wait 30 seconds for you to answer the question "can I get you something to drink?" than to be showered with chewed up nuts.

*when we are handing you your beverage and/or snacks...please hold your hand out and look at us...smiling and/or saying thank you would even be nice. it's just plain old manners again. It happens ALL the time...you bring someone their drink or peanuts and they just point at their tray -not even looking up at you. Personally, I think that is REALLY rude.

*Flight attendants are not there to discipline your children. That is THE PARENTS job! I have been asked many a time, "can you get my son/daughter to do......?" grrrrr. Amazingly, I can. I can nicely but firmly tell a child they need to do xyz and they comply. hmmmmm. maybe mom or dad should try that. :)

*Please do not argue with us when we tell you something needs to be done for safety....ie: your child cannot sit on your lap during taxi or take off if they're over the age of 2...it's not my rule, it's the FAA's....but that was a "discussion" I just had to have the other day. Same with stowing or checking your baggage or turning off your electronic devices.



*oh goodness..now don't get me started on the electronic devices!! When we tell you they need to be turned off....PLEASE turn them off. That rule is for everyone...not everyone except you.

And if I have to personally tell you more than once to turn your device off(99% of the time that would be a cell phone!) , I'm going to start getting irritated. I think my all-time high is having to tell someone 4 times....my next step was calling the flight deck to have them return the plane to the gate so that very important person could continue their very important phone call in the luxury of the terminal. :)

*if you choose to sit in the emergency exit row, we MUST brief you about your duties. please listen to us instead of ignore us and please don't tell me "sure, I'll be the first one out!"...cuz most likely, you won't be. :) You will be responsible to help others out of the aircraft. hehehe! :)

*during the pre-flight emergency demonstration...it'd be nice for you to pay attention. :) If you don't feel like paying attention, I can't make you ...but PLEASE do not interrupt others that are trying to listen and please do not talk loudly, in an effort to talk OVER the emergency information. That happens all the time. It even happened to me the other day -these 3 guys were talking so loudly that I couldn't even hear the other flight attendant giving the information..and I was supposed to be demonstrating!!

*Personal hygiene issues:

~do not put your feet on the tray tables.....people eat off of those.
~please do not clip your nails, either finger or toe, on the aircraft. That is something you should do at home, not in public!
~please do not paint your nails on the plane. The odor of nail polish is very strong, especially in an enclosed metal tube.
~keep your shoes on if you get up to walk around. ESPECIALLY if you are going to the bathroom. The liquid on the floor of the lavatory is almost certainly not water. If I am your flight attendant, I actually won't let you go in to the lavatory without shoes on..you can get mad at me if you want, but I'm just trying to protect you! :)

*I know those seats aren't huge and you really don't have a ton of room, but PLEASE do not hang out into the aisle. That is OUR working space. I come home from every trip with bruises on my legs from elbows and knees I've inadvently bumped as I've tried to walk up and down the aisle...and I'm a size 6 girl. Every flight has at least 1 person, often many, who have some part of their body hanging out into the aisle...feet (so we can trip on you and spill our drinks!), knees, elbows, head...and my personal pet peeve - reading the newspaper in the aisle even though you're still seated in your seat.

I'm quite sure I have more helpful hints to pass along, but these are all I could think of for now. :)

WHAT WERE THE SIGNS/RED FLAGS?

I've had alot of people emailing me or just asking me in person, how did you know you were dealing with attachment issues with Elizabeth, and not just your typical 2/3 year old behaviors?

GOOD QUESTION! :)

without sounding cliche', it was God.

because much, if not all of her behavior could be, and was, written off as "typical behavior".

when John and I would discuss Elizabeth and her behavior, we'd say things like "well, maybe this is just her personality", "boy, she is a strong-willed kid isn't she?!", "she can charm the pants off of anyone can't she!"

it wasn't until months of saying things like this and praying that God would give us wisdom to know how to parent her, that the light dawned and we started seeing the red flags as RED FLAGS.

*****BIG DISCLAIMER****
I've been debating for days/weeks whether to share what were the "signs" or red flags for us for so many reasons. I don't want an adoptive parent to read the things that were red flags to us and just assume their child doesn't have an attachment issue because he/she doesn't exhibit any of the things Elizabeth has. I also don't want an adoptive parent to read some of our red flags and assume their child DOES have an attachment issue....he/she might if they are displaying some of the things Elizabeth is...but I am no expert!!

I just want to tell you what we saw in our daughter and what raised the red flags for us.

Each child is going to exhibit different behaviors with attachment issues...because each child is an individual.

Some kids, like Elizabeth, are going to be passive -aggressive-ish in the way they handle things, others will have tantrums and fits and rages.

If you have red flags, please -at least seek out an attachment counselor and have your child assessed. You'd rather seek out help and find out you don't really need it than to NOT seek out help and realize, down the road, that you should have sought help earlier. The earlier you get help for you and your child, the happier y'all will be! :)

Red Flags/Signs:
*once she knows someone is "safe", ie: friends or family-usually an adult -she will seek out attention from them -by engaging them in a conversation and then soon after trying to get them to pick her up, hold her hand, hug her....

(the good sign here is that she will NOT approach people she doesn't know!)

now-Andrew and Becca will converse and hug our friends too, but they seem to have an internal sense of when "enough is enough" and then they'll go play on their own or with other children.

Elizabeth does not have that internal sense to tell her "enough". She will continue to engage that other person...seeking more and more attention.

Because she is adorable and sweet and charming, most people think it's "so cute" and don't mind her "bugging them".

This almost ALWAYS happens when I begin to engage in a conversation with friends...therefore not giving her full attention.

*since learning English, she has become quite a talker. I think that is "normal" for kids her age. I really do. And she is inquisitive...again, normal.

not normal-constant..and I mean, typically constant, chatter in the car, especially when I'm driving. And quite often, it's not just chatter, it's questioning. And often times, it's the same questions over and over..."where is daddy?" "where is his car?", 2 minutes later, "where is daddy?"....the first counselor told us to answer her questions once and then if she asks a question we know she knows the answer to, ask it to her back. that would look like "where is daddy?" in a pleasant tone, "Elizabeth, I think you know where daddy is -can you tell me?"

the constant chatter in the car also involved quite a bit of "look at me", "what is this/that?", "can you see me?"

there were days that just driving to the store would exhaust me and give me a headache-no joking -simply from the constant questions and chatter. But I wrote it off to "she was just inquisitive" and I think it's important to talk with our kids in the car! :)

*"naughty" behavior -we are a family that expects obedience from our children. for the first couple months, Elizabeth was given ALOT of grace when it came to obedience issues as she was adjusting to our family, learning what was ok and what wasn't, learning the language, etc. As we began to enforce boundaries, we'd notice she'd try to push them~this can be "normal", but it just didn't seem so in Elizabeth's case.

one example: We made it clear that she wasn't to touch the phone, the remote controls, or the computer (none of the kids are allowed to do that, not just single-ing her out!).....in our presence, she would almost always comply...but we would notice she'd try to sneakily disobey. We'd see her sneak into the office and then hear tap-tap-tapping on the keyboards.....or we'd hear the dialtone of the phone and find her in a room with the phone...not touching it but it was obvious she had pushed the buttons.

Little things like this ALL the time. Also, we noticed she would half-way obey. I'd ask her to put her shoes in the shoe garage in her closet, and then watch her go into her room and throw 'em on the floor. I know it's not unusual for a kid to do that, it's just that it would happen over and over ..it just didn't make sense.

As she did gain security in our family, we noticed more compliance in the obedience area...but then we'd slip into "naughty cycles"...now we know them to be cycles of insecurity....and it was like she had forgotten everything!

We kept saying "she just doesn't get it!...or if she gets it, she doesn't care!'

what frustrated us on this behavior is that we KNOW she is bright. we have been told by medical and educational professionals that she is a very bright child. so why was she not getting the rules of our house?!

*potty training -she potty trained in something like 2 days flat once I really tried with her. But then, we started noticing accidents.....looking back, those accidents were during times of insecurity....but we didn't realize that at the time. The accidents are NEVER just one...for Elizabeth, it was several in one day....or at least 2-3 in a 2 day period.

*food/eating -we started noticing that there were days when she wouldn't eat all of her meal, even when encouraged to do so. At first we didn't think much of it...sometimes she just didn't like what she was eating. But then we noticed she'd ask for snacks soon after the meal..so she HAD been hungry. Still we dismissed it. Then we noticed it wasn't just one meal every once in awhile...it was becoming a habit. The big red flag was when I started seeing this as a battle so I would make her her favorite foods...and she'd still refuse to eat.

~side note here ~the first counselor we saw said that adopted kiddos will OFTEN display their attachment issues by pushing buttons with a food battle and with the potty battle. These are the 2 buttons that get to their parents the most. The food battle is especially important to pay attention to because it IS NOT about the food, it is about the control...and it often times grows into an eating disorder for the child, especially the girls.


*Elizabeth is a very charming little girl. I do think that is one of her God-given, natural gifts. I really do. But she uses her cuteness to manipulate adults...into getting attention. This is the main red flag that caused us to seek help. John and I are both fearful of what this behavior will look like in 10-12 years when she is a teenager....manipulating attention from others.

As we sought out help, we realized that all of our red flags are indeed, true red flags of an attachment disorder. Everything I listed above IS a sign of a possible issue.

This may sound odd, but I felt relieved. I wasn't off my rocker. So many people were telling me "oh don't worry, this is "normal" behavior"...but my gut told me differently. Andrew is only 27 mo. older than Elizabeth and Rebecca is only 10 months older than her....I didn't experience any of these things with my biological children...and those experiences were fresh in my mind. :)

The first counselor we saw thought Elizabeth's issues were minor, but he also only spent about 10 minutes with her. Our new counselor is going to be spending 4-5 hours with Elizabeth and I, watching us interact in specific situations in order to "assess" Elizabeth's attachment issues. I still tend to believe her issues are "minor"...but I could be very wrong too. :)

I am sure there are more red flags we saw over the past 19 months, but these are the ones I'm remembering right now. :)

We have continued to have really good days with Elizabeth. Her bracelet of "mommy's love" seems to be helping immensely. I have especially noticed our times in the car are much quieter..seriously. She is not constantly asking me to "look at me" or answer "what is that?" as she points at the window. To be sure, we're still talking and I'm still trying to teach them about things as we drive...but Elizabeth is acting, dare I say it, "normal" in the car as long as she has "mommy's love".

Interestingly, on Monday and Tuesday, Elizabeth said to me, "mommy, I cry for you. I scared. I no find you. no know where are you. don't have mommy's love". I don't know if she was referencing times past when she couldn't find me or didn't know where I was, or if she was talking about that day and we were just in different rooms, but I thought it was interesting she has already been able to express that she was scared because she couldn't find me and therefore didn't have "mommy's love".

I KNOW we are going to have more downward spirals and more insecure cycles and more battles, but I cannot tell you how hopeful I am now.

I see that there IS a light at the end of this tunnel.

CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC

and dare I say excited?!

We have had nearly 2 days void of insecure behavior.

As quickly as this weekend's battle scene came on, it seemed to disappear.

Praise God!!

Aside from the Lord's hand being up on our situation, I think we might have put our finger on one of E's triggers for insecurity....and were able to help her manage it.

When we first met with our new counselor, it was just John and I and the counselor. She wanted the 3 of us to meet to make sure we all thought this was a good fit. She asked us to tell her a few of our concerns and a bit of what we were seeing in Elizabeth's behavior. As we described some of E's behaviors, she told us that she thought Elizabeth might be struggling with a particular issue in attachment labeled "permanence". Without meeting E and without fully evaluating her, she wanted us to be aware that she wasn't SURE this was something E struggled with, but it certainly sounded like it.

She went on to describe behaviors that are typical of a child who struggles with permanence...and many of those are behaviors E has exhibited, especially during her insecure episodes.

HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE -I am still just learning about permanence and these attachment issues....but I will define it as I understand it right now.

Permanence is something a child learns when they are very young. Imagine a baby sitting in a high chair playing with toys or food. Early on, if something drops over the edge it doesn't seem to phase them much. out of sight, out of mind. But then, as they grow older, if an item drops over the edge they notice it is gone and will begin to look for it. The child now has a sense of permanence..even though the object is out of sight, they KNOW it still exists and just need to find it.

Permanence, or lack of permanence really, for Elizabeth brings about fear and insecurity. If she cannot physically see me -specifically my face, or have my attention when she needs it, she begins to fear and feel insecure. There is a fear that our relationship doesn't exist. There is a fear that my not giving her attention means I'm leaving her. She is like the young child who, when the item falls off the highchair, doesn't realize the item still exists but is just on the floor. To her, that item is now gone with nothing to replace it.

The counselor suggested that we find an item or 2 for me to give to her whenever I cannot be with her or when she can't physically see me (like when we're driving in the car) or when I cannot give her my full attention (when I'm in the middle of cooking dinner!). She can hold onto it, or feel it, and remember that mommy exists and that I still love her, even though I cannot show it right now. This is going to sound so corny -but we got her a cheapo bracelet from Wally World and I give it kisses and loves and then I put it on her wrist, telling her that now she has "mommy's love with her even if mommy can't be right with her".

We ran to Wally World Saturday cuz I could sense the battles coming and I wanted to see if this "transitional object" thing would work. I gave it to her Sunday before going into Sunday School and while driving....we ran errands yesterday so gave her "mommy's love" when she got in the car....same for today while driving and going to the gym day care.

And the battles have ceased.

I'm wondering if her issues with permanence would set off the insecure feelings, and then they would just spiral downward, causing her to create all the battles.

I am working on making a small little photo album of us together to give her as well as a little pillow with a picture of us on it, one small enough she can put in her pocket and pull out when she needs to. I figure one or all will be lost at some point and/or she may favor one over the others.

I realize there is probably deeper issues we'll be dealing with with Elizabeth...but I'm so happy that we seemed to have dealt with her permanence issue from this weekend....in a healthy way and an EASY way for all involved.

thank you guys so much for your prayers and words of encouragement -I REALLY needed them this weekend! :)

ATTACHMENT BOOK RECOMMENDED BY OUR COUNSELOR

Learning the Dance of Attachment by Holly Van Gulden.

I think I've told a few of you that it was Real Parents, Real Children:Parenting the Adopted Child. sorry! I was wrong!

Learning the Dance is pretty difficult to find on-line. You can order it thru Crossroads Adoption http://www.crossroadsadoption.com/ or I can send one to you. The office our counselor works out of has started ordering this book in bulk -I think she said they are $20.

A QUICK THANKS & A BIT MORE :)

Thank you to everyone who has already commented and emailed me that you are praying for us and for Elizabeth.

Thank you.

In the next few days/weeks I want to start posting about what we're learning, the signs we saw that made us realize this was an attachment issue not an obedience one, some of the tools/techniques we are using with Elizabeth, etc.

I do want to make sure y'all know -95% of the time we have a happy, crazy little family. Elizabeth is the sweetest, brightest, most delightful little girl. But when something triggers her insecurity, I feel like a cloud sits over our family. We see glimpses of our amazing little girl, but the insecurity seems to take over and she just isn't herself.

I'm off to start my day. I'm hoping and praying it's a great one for us -especially for Elizabeth!

FIGHTING FOR HER HEART

So much is floating around in my head right now.

So much to say...but not sure how to say it.

There is so much we are going thru...and so much we are learning...and I want to be open and honest and transparent about it -but I also want to protect Elizabeth as I share from my heart.

As I we were singing in church today, the phrase "We are fighting for her heart" popped into my mind again and I thought it was exactly what I needed to title this post ~as well as the phrase I need to keep at the forefront of my mind as we deal with the issues we are dealing with.

Several weeks ago I mentinoned that we were starting attachment therapy/counseling with Elizabeth. The counselor we began with did not end up being a good fit for our family -for MANY reasons. God GRACIOUSLY led us to another counselor -one whom we feel is a great fit for us and one whom we believe will help us and help Elizabeth in her healing process.

Now that we have seen Elizabeth's issues for what they are -attachment related and not necessarily obedience related -we are able to deal with them in a healthier way for Elizabeth.

Healthier does NOT mean easier!

We have just come out of one of the longest, most intense, difficult times with Elizabeth that I can remember. I believe that part of the reason this episode was so long is because we were finally able to deal with her attachment/insecurity behaviors in a healthy way ~healthy for her in the long run...terrifying for her in the short run.

Let me briefly explain what I'm talking about:
Elizabeth's main issue is that she feels she needs to maintain a certain level of control of her environment. This manifests in a number of ways -different for each child dealing with this -but for Elizabeth it means that when she starts feeling insecure -for WHATEVER reason -she will begin acting out.

She is terribly naughty.

And it's never just one really big disobedient act -it's small, tiny acts of defiance all day long.......she will push buttons and push buttons.....she is trying to force a battle between her and I (or John). If she can just get us to battle her- she has won. It doesn't matter to her if she wins or loses the battles...it's the simple act of getting us to engage in her battle. The psychology behind it is something along the lines of, by getting us to battle her, she is controlling her situation.....as well as, in some sense, she is testing us to see how bad she can be before we give her away too -just like her China mother and the nannies at the orphanage.

There is so much more to attachment issues and specifically what Elizabeth is going thru as well as the psychology behind it -but that is the cliff notes version as we understand it. :)

Let me also say, I realize at some deep level, Elizabeth's behaviors stem from an insecure attachment to us, but I think most of us parents in the adoption world have been led to believe our children are "attached to us" because they look us in the eye, they give and receive love, etc......all those areas on the attachment checklists you can find on-line. I think a much better description of what to call Elizabeth's issues are "security issues" or "insecure behaviors". I think when parents start looking at their children thru the "security lens" you may see issues you might not have seen if you were simply looking for "attachment".

From day 1 in China, Elizabeth looked me in the eye. She allowed me to hold her and gaze at her -and she would gaze back. She loved/loves being held, rocked, giving/receiving physical affection, etc. By all accounts, she is "attached" to me/us.

But she is insecure.

She is the most insecure little person I've ever met.

And to deal with that insecurity, she tries to push us away.

And she does a really good job of it.

2 Sunday nights ago, we experienced one of the worst nights we had had with Elizabeth in a LONG time. Every 5-10 minutes I was dealing with her and her insecurities.

It was exhausting.

and frustrating.

For the first time in a long long time, I actually rocked her to sleep that night.

and as I did, I prayed over her.

Prayed for the Lord to heal her heart.

and once she fell asleep I whispered to her "I'm fighting for you Elizabeth - but you aren't making this very easy!" :)

There is nothing I can do to heal her. oh sure, we can go to counseling and gain wisdom and tools to help her and help us better cope with her behaviors. We can love the stuffing out of her. We can parent her the best way we know how.

But only her Maker and Father can heal the deep wounds that have been inflicted on her precious little heart.

Before we received Elizabeth we would pray that God would comfort her heart, that He would prepare her for us, that He would heal her heart~

and I do believe He is doing all of this.

I just hoped the healing would be quicker. :)

I am posting this today because the last 2 days, Elizabeth has begun to show signs of impending battle. At some point I will probably go into more details, but for now, we can usually sense "the battle is on" because she will begin to refuse to eat at one meal...usually breakfast. And then, throughout the day, little battles will pop up. This morning was the 2nd morning in a row that she hardly touched her breakfast.

We are hoping and praying that this is just a little dip of the roller coaster, not another 300 ft. drop! :)

I was on the verge of tears on the way to church, knowing that we were about to head down on the great roller coaster called "attachment issues". All it took was 3 friends asking "how are you doing with Elizabeth?" today for the tears to flow.

The selfish me is sick of this.

I am sick of battling...or really, NOT battling her.


But the mother that loves her little girl to pieces is broken.....

Broken that she can't fix her little girl.

Broken that her little girl still feels insecure after 19months of consistent love.

This mother is gearing up for another fight-

I will fight as long as I need to,

I will fight as hard as I need to,

Because I am fighting for HER heart -and she is worth it.

SWIMMING

I had John take this video the other day cuz the kids were SO funny.....jump, swim, get out, repeat...it went on for what seemed like an hour! the funniest part is their facial expressions as they jump in, which you can't see in the video...but you CAN see how funny they dive in.

it's hard to believe they've really only been swimming for 3-4 weeks. The first whole week, Elizabeth would only play on the step or HAD to be attached to one of us. Then the 2nd week she decided it was OK to float around the pool in a floaty thing...now look at her!!

And Becca and Andrew are swimming GREAT. we need to work on "technique", but that will come in time. We're just so proud of all 3 and how far they've come in such a short time!

JOHN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

God
Family
Ohio State

that is the priority list for John. :)

so, for his big birthday I wanted to surprise him.

We haven't visited Ohio (where his dad's side of the family live) since before we were married.....his 1 uncle and aunt have visited us, but that was when Becca was a few months old.

so....back in February I contacted 1 of John's uncles who lives in Columbus and has access to OSU football tickets. Over the course of a few months, he was able to secure 2 tix to an OSU football game for me to surprise John with.

I have been DYING for months now, waiting to give this gift to John.

on top of his new OSU shirt, I printed out the 2009 football schedule with the game highlighted on it. He was pretty clueless until I explained to him that we were going to finally get to visit his family in Ohio AND fulfill a life long dream of his....going to a Buckeye football game.

He's hard to surprise... I'm so excited I was able to keep this one a secret and that he's just as excited about it as I am. :)

I'm also excited cuz we should be able to hang out with a long time bloggy buddy of mine!


my mom spoils John. :) she knows him well and so my parents gave him gift certificates to his 2 favorite restaurants and then 40 cans of B*rqs rootbeer. :)

He loves B*rqs so much, and my mom loves him so much that there is ALWAYS a can of it in their fridge in case John stops by.
the gang watching the present opening
when our "little" family gets together -it's 17 people....6 adults and 11 kids!

John asked for a lemon jello cake and homemade ice cream ~ super yum-o and summery!

after dessert the kids and dads went out to our side yard for some ball.

aren't these the cutest little punkin's?!

the girls were playing "store" while everyone else played ball. :)

not the most organized game as you can see our dog laying in between the pitcher's "mound" and the batter's box and kids running everywhere. but who cares?! they had a blast!

and no family gathering is every complete without a picture of Becca and the baby. "the baby" is getting so big!! she just adores him and would sit and hold him all day if she could. :)

*******and just so it's clear :) John's family doesn't live close but they all either sent a little something in the mail or called him for his big day. didn't want to leave them out!***********

SWAP IT!

would you take a moment and consider popping over to THIS SITE to read about

the Swap It! weekend challenge?

for $.14 you can provide a meal for someone starving in Uganda today. There is an urgent food shortage going on right now. If you follow the links on Tom Davis' blog (the site highlighted in yellow above), you'll read that there are people eating 1 meal a week.

yes, you read that correctly.

1 meal a week.

maybe 1 meal every 4-5 days.

can you imagine?

can you imagine only being able to feed your child 1 meal a day? let alone 1 a week?

I simply cannot.

The Challenge for the Weekend (or if you're reading this Monday, it can be your "Monday Challenge" :) ) is to take the $ you were going to spend on something and donate it to Children's Hope Chest in order to feed some very hungry Ugandans.

I was going to splurge today and head to St*rb*cks to get a chai latte.
I'm taking that $4 and sending it to Uganda to serve 28 meals.

28 meals seems like a much better return for my $$ than 1 drink.

I challenge you.

What can YOU swap this weekend in order to feed someone?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday John!

As I was trying to think about how to post about his birthday and what pics to try to find of him, the thought of "what an amazing daddy he is" kept coming to mind.

so I set out to find some of my favorite pics of him being the wonderful, self-less daddy he is.

Oct. '03 -holding Andrew before we leave the hospital to go home

March '05 -holding Rebecca not more than an hour after her birth (still in his operating room scrubs!)

B.E. -before Elizabeth :)
daddy doing one of his most favorite things in the world -boating with his 2 blessings and our wonderful pup Lucy.

Nov. 8th, '07 -one of the first times Elizabeth allowed daddy to hold her for an extended period of time

Elizabeth and daddy bonding..and Elizabeth doing what she did best in China-pointing to things and getting excited!

Father's Day '08

this pic, taken last week, is one of my all-time fav's of John and the kids.
he's doing what they love best -spending time with them.


Happy Birthday honey.
without sounding too sappy ~you are such a blessing to our family.

you work hard to provide for us

you love our kids and they KNOW IT without a shadow of a doubt

you love me in spite of my shortcomings

and most importantly-

you love the Lord with all of your heart and look to Him first ALWAYS, as you lead our family.

Happy Birthday John/daddy.

We ALL love you so much. :)

QUICK CLARIFICATION

I've had a couple people ask "you took your kids on a seven mile hike ?!"....no. it was .7 or point 7 miles or 7/10ths of a mile. :) so 1.4 miles total round trip.

I didn't realize the "." wasn't obvious. :)

I'm really not that mean of a mom to make my kids -ages 3, 4, and 5, walk 14 miles and refuse to carry them! :)